Part 4 of 4: Epic Christmas songs.

 

Merry Christmas Miiiiiiinnnnnnniiiiioooons! I did not forget to finish my Epic Christmas tunes series. Luckily for me my master had an appendix false alarm yesterday so I have today to bring to you 5 more songs to get you in the spirit for tomorrow. I would have blogged earlier this week but the lovely master who types my blog out for me was sick all week. She's much better now after a 5 hour hospital stay (Only to find out Doctors have no clue what's exactly wrong with her intestines) so we bring to you 5 more funny songs. Enjoy Minions.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5cfp6LK1v04&feature=fvst Jingle Smells Because farts are funny...if you don't think farts are nature's humor you stink.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2kJ8kE5Kf3g  Walking around in Women's Underwear

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VJOe3CXE-mA Red Neck 12 Days of Christmas: Jeff Foxworthy

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wB8co0P4Glo&feature=related Damn it I'm Vixen 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wofsgfQ2VSc&feature=related O Holy Night: Eric Cartman
Bonus Song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=48DgA5xS914 Mr Hanky the Christmas poo

There I did it. Hope everybody enjoyed. Have a safe and fun Holiday season. Don't drink and Drive or because I'll find you...nothing irks me more than stupid Drunk Drivers. Stay Insane Minions! 
 



 

Part 3 of 4: Epic Christmas songs

              8 more days until Christmas! here's 5 more Epic Christmas songs. The theme is the 5 awesome sounding Christmas songs. I was considering finding 5 versions of "Carol of The bells" because that is by far the coolest sounding carol ever and you can do so much with that song but I refrained...Everyone knows the Home Alone version is the best.
             Here they are! Top 5 kick ass songs of the Holidays:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4vNcGlM8O3I Carol of the Bells-Trans Siberian Orchestra

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-A_oEaJZPwU Rudolf The Red Nose Reindeer Metal style.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D5DsDiT2XAM&playnext=1&list=PL846B2ED588A30993&index=5 Metal Version of "Mr. Grinch" Come on! Everyone loves the Grinch song!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aARf8Zi0yGw Heat Miser-Thousand foot Krutch

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zlg5KuFSGGc&NR=1 Jingle Bell Rock- Thousand Foot Krutch Damn this band is good.They made a pretty sweet Christmas rock album. I like this song!

 Have a Dragony Christmas season everyone. One more blog in this series, I shall find more funny songs.

This week's Doody (Dec 12th-16th)

Delivering The mail "Invisible Style."

   
A Mail carrier in Whitefish Bay Winnsconsin decided he wanted to cheer up a woman on one of his rounds by delivering the mail in the nude. That is by far the poorest excuse I have ever heard. How stupid does one have to be to think that showing up at a woman's office in the nude will cheer her up? Oh wait, my bad Americans do crazy stuff like this all the time so It's not all that uncommon. The good news is that the postal worker did realize it wasn't a very bright idea. He was arrested a few days later...WAIT HOLDUP! It took them a few days to charge the guy? I have nothing further to say on this topic! Although I think as punishment they should send him to Canada (preferably Edmonton or Calgary) to deliver mail in the nude.



You Sue, I Sue we all Sue for retarded reasons!

Guess who's getting Sued yet again? That's right! McPuke! The reason this time is even more ridiculous than that guy who is suing because McPuke made him obesse. Oh no this is even better. A group in California is suing the company because it lures children to make unhealthy choices through it's Happy Meals. Kids just want the toy so they beg and beg their parents to take them to McDonalds to get happy meals. This is a) hard on parents and b) bad because kids are at an age where they are vulnerable to marketing. I offer these lazy ass parents a solution: STOP LETTING YOUR KIDS RUN ALL OVER YOU AND PUT YOUR FOOT DOWN! If you do not want your kid eating a happy meal then just say NO! Or better yet, they just want the stupid toy and most McPuke restaurants sell them without the meal. The problem isn't marketing it's bad parenting. Kids beg and beg until parents get sick of the whining so they give in. Guess what? Everytime you give in to a child's desires they will continue to beg and beg for random crap just because they Know it annoys the hell out of you and you will give in. Next time your kid annoys you start putting your foot down, take their stuiff away if they don't shut up and maybe next time they'll THINK before whining in the back seat of the car.

Most annoying word Revealed
  ..........Whatever.......

It's The end of the world! Build some bombs!

           A man in (Yes the USA) pleaded guilty to making bombs because he had watched the movie 2012 and feared for his family. Thus he built some bombs to protect his family when the government failed and food raiding comenced. He's from Kentucky so this explains ALOT. I personally would have used the zombie appocalypse as an excuse to build explosives so I must say this guy is a dumb ass. Also people in Kentucky should be banned from watching all fictional movies and be subjected to only Documentaries, The Hills, American Idol and Glee.

Top Ten Lists:
Thought I'd remind everyone that over the next few days we will all be bombarded with many Top ten lists. Why? It's nearing the end of the year. There will be double the lists this year as it's 2010 and we have just completed another Decade. If I find any worthwhile lists I'll blog them for everyone.

This week's Doody (December 5th-10th)

That's awesome:

           Some guy in Oregon USA decided to legally change his name to "Captain Awesome." Why? Because it's obviously a really Awesome name AND he was named after his father thus there was complications when it came to mail. Captain  Awesome's Grandmother does not like the fact that he legally changed his name. His Dad doesn't seem to mind (I'm certain he'll be just happy to stop getting his son's porn mags in the mail). When interviewed about if his girlfriend will change her last name to "Awesome" if they married the little douche said "We ain't that serious haha" Ten Points Captain Awesome that's the way to talk about your lady.

Public Service announcement: YOU ARE GOING TO HELL!

 Westboro Baptist Church members are at it again. This time they will be picketing Elizabeth Edward's Funeral with signs that read "Thank God for Breast Cancer." These are the same lunatics that protest funerals of soldiers and pretty much...well...everything. God hates alot of things doesn't he? I wonder which diety they serve? Heck even my Diety (Tiamat) the Dragon Queen isn't even as bad as what ever the heck they serve. Last time I checked (Most) Christians were peaceful, loving, non hating, giving, compassionate, very friendly folk. But there always has to be a few groups who ruin it for the rest. FYI most churches are NOTHING like Westboro, these lunatics are likely going to get a slapping from God and they should change their name to "Westboro Lunatic Cult". But I must say, they have colourful eye catching signs. Oh and if God hates Jews he must hate Jesus because Jesus was not Christian Jesus was born Jewish. Stupid uneducated Cult!

Monster Storm
         The weather network has creatively come up with a fierce nick name of a storm that is due to hit Southern Ontario on Sunday. Woopie! First Snowmageddon then Weather Bombs...where do they come up with these stupid names? Until they call a storm something like "Chuck Norris Proportions" I'm not getting worried. After all it's just another Colorado Low hitting up Ontario. Suck it up Canada! It's winter and that means SNOW!

And the Votes are in!
       Drum roll please. The top 5 celebrities most search for 2010 are: 5idiots I can not stand.
At Number 5 we have Sarah Palin. I am sick of hearing that broad's name!
At Number 4 we have Sid the Kid. But at least he accomplished something.
At number 3 we have Justin Bieber. I have nothing further to say about this.
At number 2 we have Tiger Woods. A Lion wouldn't cheat but a Tiger wood!
At Number 1 we have Lady Gaga...really? Nobody saw that coming! I mean meat dress, saying that vaginas have super powers...I'm one of the many who truly belive She/he/it is from outter space.

The "Highest" Christmas Tree

 German police say an "old hippy" is facing possible prosecution for his version of the, ahem, highest Christmas tree — a festively decorated two-meter- (two-yard-) tall marijuana plant.
      They of course broke this guy's heart by ceasing the Christmas tree. It makes me wonder. Was he high when they took it and did he think maybe the Grinch was tealing his Christmas? The guy quite literally put lights on a cannibis plant in his appartment! He planned to put present under it! I bet he planned on smoking his tree on Christmas day! And the Grinchy cops ruined his festivities. I don't agree with smoking weed but I mean come on! The guy is old, he's probably not selling his weed let the old hippy have his merry Christmas. I kind of feel sorry for the guy...I'm also envious that his tree beats my tree above the toilet in the bathroom.


So there you have it folks. There was actually lots of good material to blog about this week proving once and for all the world is still going down the toilet like a little peice of doody. Have a great Holiday season everyone and remember kids, don't get caught with a 6 foot tall Cannibis Christmas tree.
            -Anadralius-

Epic Meal Time om non nom

             I have become a fan of a youtube group known as "Epic Meal time". First of all they are Canadian. Secondly Their cooking skills are seriously EPIC. They put the Double Down to shame. Basically what they do is make really delicious fattening food, film the process, count all the calories and then sit down and chow down on thir creations. They have created Epic creations such as: The epic Pizza (A pizza made out of fast food), The Meat Log (eaten by a really Hot Gamer Chick.), The Greatest Sandwich ever (A french toast french bread sandwich covered in bacon, poutine and Maple Syrup) and the best one yet The Turbacon. I'd explain the Turbacon but you must see this for yourself: http://www.youtube.com/user/EpicMealTime#p/u/2/7Xc5wIpUenQ 
           I'm really Hungry now. I feel like a Turbacon but probably can't afford to make one. I'm looking forward to more of their creations, these guys (And Hot gamer Chick) are EPIC! And I don't use the term EPIC lightly.

Rock your stockings off! Part 2 of 4 epic Christmas song list

              Time for some Rock songs for the holidays. I actually had a hard time finding awesome rock music. But I found some so here it is! Enjoy.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=93bBrrrXz00 Billy Idol: yellin at the Christmas Tree.     

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BN3m6wK1wwc ACDC Mistress for Christmas.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wCLirt141_c&feature=related Sum 41 & Tenacious D: Things I want Yeah I know this one should be under the "Funny" Category but I found it more Rock worthy.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cGzRBDFFYzw 30 seconds to Mars: Santa Clause through the back door

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vmEfFlbqbbY&feature=fvw Twisted Sister: O come all ye faithful.
Because cowbell is festive right???

There you have it. Some rock music to add to your christmas play lists. If rock is not your taste of music and you prefer nice Christmas songs sung by Mariah Carey or Celine Dion or some country singer then you are obviously reading the wrong blog! Merry Christmas everyone...we're all done our shopping and it isn't even December yet. This gives me more time to search for some more epic songs. Have fun at the malls suckers!

Home sweet Home..

                  I'm bored and I felt the need to vent about my owner/Master. Her name is Jess, she's 23 years old and has issues. Issue Number 1. It's Mid November...the tree in the picture above has been up since October 29th! It's Mid November and those are wrapped presents under it. We have a small fake tree on a table because the pets would destroy a real or larger tree. All it takes is one cat to hide in the tree from the dog and instant disaster so Jess felt the need to pull this tree out, set it up and put presents under it before December. Some of those presents were wrapped in August. OCD Christmas much? Oh and this is nothing...

   Where on Earth does one put that extra small tree? Well on top of the toilet of course. This is so tacky. Whats worse is she is proud of this accomplishment. Yes it's tacky but now that we live in a Hick town it's all good.  I'd like to point out that this looks like a bad prison photo. Also the walls need better paint as steam from the shower stains them and makes the walls look crappy! But anyways here's the tree decorated with toilet paper rools as well as half a T.P roll as a star/angel...the worst joke so far happens to be "leave a present under the tree." If you don't get it, your just plain dumb. By the way...don't forget to flush the present when your done.

The creepist window display ever. Yes that's an old porcelain doll, a clown and a country style sewn bunny in the window. There's a tacky macreme floral cat too but it's thankfully blocked. Why are these things even in the window? Jess says she had no better place to put them and she enjoys staring at a clown as she does the dishes. Is my Master disturbed? More than likely. Is this window disturbing? No it could actually be worse.

Because every normal person has a yogurt machine in their kitchen. Yes that machine that the cat is sleeping on is a working soft serve yogurt machine. You throw a yogurt bar in with a cup of fruit, pull a lever, the auger crushes the fruit and yogurt bar and voila soft serve yogurt! It's yummy stuff. But this isn't so bad, what's bad is Jess is decorating the things with Knick knacks like that fancy welcome sign in the front. And to the left is an industrial coffee maker. Because the small one just wan't cutting it they need 2 burners instead of 1.

And here I am with the Dog (Her name is Seven of Nine.) and One of the 3 cats (O'Malley). Oh and that's Jess' butt but you have to look hard to see it as it's so small. One might say "What ass?" which is a factual statement. The most messed up thing about this post though is the fact Jess made fun of herself and is giving all the credit to me! Anadralius! A Plastic Dragon. I'd go on and on some more with my oppinions about my wonderful geeky Master but...there's just too much to mention and I don't want to scare anyone. So there you have it...hope you enjoyed the tour of some of our sweet home. Thankfully the plans to put a microwave in the bedroom were scrapped, for now anyways.

This Hicktown Rocks

              Norwood Ontario population 1300 (Okay it's more like 5000 but the sign which hasn't been changed in like 20 years says 1300). A town this small obviously gets the name "Hick town". We have one set of traffic lights, everyone knows everything about everyone and there's no Tim Horton's coffee shop! The Timmies is in the next Hick town over which is a 10 minute drive.
               But despite Norwood being a hick town that not many have heard of I'd like to let everyone know our little hick town produced 3 amazing rock bands. All 3 are known, all 3 are awesome and all 3 have roots in Norwood.

Three Days Grace: 

Three Days Grace not only makes great music they are very down to Earth People. Nothing pisses me off more than a celebrity who walks around like they are all "That". These boys come home. Brad Walst the Base player has a son who goes to the public school. Everyone knows them, talks to them as if they were just regular hometown boys and the best part is they act like they are right at home in this little hick town. They threw a benifit concert at the Community Center back in 2008 to help raise funds for the new community center. "My Darkest Days" Opened for them that night. "My Darkest Days" Is the other band that has Norwood roots and they have also become a successful band.
          Brad Walst, Adam Gontier and Neil Sanderson all have Norwood roots. The band was called Groundswell back in 1992 but they broke up. They then got back together, recruited Barry Stock as a guitarist and became Three Days Grace in 1997. Their first single was "I Hate Everything about you." they now have multiple hit songs. "Pain" "Never too late" "Just like you" just to name a few.

My Darkest Days:

My Darkest Days was founded by Matt Walst who is from Norwood and is the brother of Brad Walst the Bassist of Three Days Grace. Chad Kroeger (Nickleback) Heard them and  signed them to his record lable. Their first single hit was "Porn Star Dancing" after they were signed. Now that's the only Single they have so far that went national (They play some of their older songs on the radio in this area). This band is new on the scene but they are good and they are hopefully going to produce some more rocking music.
Check out "Porn Star Dancing" thier first Hit http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c2Fnet0y9Ts


Art Of Dying:
While this band was not established here in Norwood They do have a Norwood local as their Bassist. Cale Gontier. He's the cousin of Adam Gontier. Cale is also a bassist for Thronley. He was also Three Days Grace's Guitar Technician. So  adding Thornley to the list that technically makes 4 bands that have Norwood talent. Art of Dying plays songs locally at the Legion, Thornley and My Darkest Days have also played many gigs at our Legion. They can't seem to stay away from our Legion!The Legion is the only place in town that serves alcohol after 9pm so I don't really blame them.

 I reccomend checking Art Of Dying if you have not heard of them. They are a hard rock group, they sound great and have all around awesome music. I went through all their songs on youtube and I happened to liked them all."You Don't Know me"    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p4NVrUSvTbI  Is a pretty good song. Click the link and check it out.

I'd go through how these 3 (plus more) bands are connected but I'm too lazy to do the reasearch to tell you which band members switched bands or started new ones or whatever. All I can say is Norwood is definately the roots of Three Days Grace and has produced talents in My Darkest Days as well as Thornley and Art Of Dying. Norwood doesn't have any other known bands of other genres (That I am aware of) But it's still good to know that Norwood produces good Rock stars and not Justin Biebers :D
   Oh and for those who still don't know where the hell Norwood is, it's located East of Peterborough Ontario right before Havelock Ontario (Home of the biggest red neck country music convention in Canada...the Havelock Country Jambouree).  You drive right up Highway 7 and it'll go right through Norwood. But people don't stop here because Havelock has the Tim Horton's and we do not. But We have great Rock Stars so HA! Screw you Havelock Ontario!

Part 1 of 4: Epic Christmas songs.

            Funny Songs:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tb-Mce9VpmY The Night Santa Went Crazy: Weird Al

                

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l2oPio60mK4  Twelve days of Christmas: Bob and Doug

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rCfnZFP2tLM Down with the Christmas: Down with the sickness parody. The singing isn't the best...its not bad but not the best either. However, I rather like the lyrics.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wskT6YfVB6E&feature=related  Jingle Bombs: Achmed the dead terrorist. Everyone loves Achmed. :D

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yasSkqJBytk  12 pains of Christmas by Bob Rivers. Actually this link is great. It's the Ruin Scape parody and is really well done. So all my geeky followers if you haven't seen this one you'll enjoy it.

There you have it. 5 of my all time favorite funny christmas songs. Next week will be the top 5 Rockin Christmas songs.  I'll also post more funny songs as there are tonnes. There's just too many parodies out there and the parodies are so much better than the original versions. So Hope you enjoy.

This week's Doody (Oct 31st-Nov 5th)

Rule 48? What???

Joe Thornton Captain of the Sharks got a 2 day suspension and a fine for hitting a St.Louis Blue's player; David Perron in the head. It was quite the nice head shot ,however, I'd like to point out a few things. Perron practically ran into Thornton, he faked an injury...yes he cried like a little girl and acted like he was going to die. Oh but then Perron went and scored a goal later! Oh and the NHL keeps pulling new rules out of it's ass. Hockey is getting boring, and I miss the good ol days...where there was no rule number whatever. Plus we all know the refs are really tough when people break these new rules but after a few months they are soon forgotten OR the refs just get lazy and pretend they saw nothing! I mean come on! Thornton didn't actually reach out and clock the guy he merely did a center ice check...which caused much over dramatic faking of a head injury. I couldn't even fathom what would have happened if he had done this to Crosby...maybe a 2 month suspension? Not for hitting Crosby in the head though...more for making Sid The Kid whine and cry...we don't want to put up with that. There should actually be a new rule put in place specifically for Sid the Kid. Actually scratch that, pretend I never wrote that.




1.5 million fine damn those must be expensive songs!
         Get this. A single mother of 4 downloads 24 songs and gets hit with a 1.5 million dollar fine. And they are serious about it! They can't keep murderers in jail but they can certainly screw over someone for illegally downloading music. Which I must add would have cost $24 to download off iTunes. But the record companies want money because they are greedy bastards...like $1 a song isn't good enough? You have to harass a freaking single mother? Who does that? heaven forbid if Octomom gets caught downloading illegal songs we'd have to put up with more BS tabloid coverage on her. The lesson here is this: Don't be a pirate...but if you are don't get caught. Download millions of songs to make it worthwhile for them to fine you and if you don't like getting fined install some high power magnets in your doorway so that when your hard drive is ceased it gets screwed over...every pirate should know that little trick! Downloading is really really wrong...go murder someone instead you'll get a lesser fine for it.

Stay away from Fat people

A new study suggests that "Obese people cause a ripple effect among non-obese peers. The more non-obese peers an obese person has the greater the chance that these non-obese peers will become obese as well." Essentially if your fat and you chill with alot of Skinny people they may pick up on your habits and become fat like you. Isn't that just grand? Who the hell came up with this BS study? Why is it important? Why do people even give a rats ass? And what happens if a skinny person hangs out with all fat people? Do the Fat people lose weight? So it's okay for a skinny person to have many fat friends but not cool for a fat person to have skinny friends...I'm confused. This is an American study so it probably only applies to the USA. Not canada obviously. I mean it's clear that it doesn't apply to Canada as I have a great test subject. My master hangs out with a bunch of overweight friends (Mainly the gaming group) and they a) have not lost weight and b) she hasn't gained any. And everyone sits on their asses (Including her) for hours rolling Dice and talking while eating alot of crap. So I think this study is stupid. http://ca.news.yahoo.com/s/yahoocanada/101105/canada/overweight_friends_fueling_obesity_epidemic_in_u_s incase you don't believe me I posted the link to the article.

Guy Fawkes day!

 Guy Fawkes plotted to blow up the British Parliament in 1605...and to celebrate people have bon fires. Especially Canadians. A Bon fire in November is great! I didn't even know who the hell Guy Fawkes was until today...but I wish I had known this because any excuse to make a fire is a good excuse. So have a bon fire and remember the 5th of November! I have a Twilight book to go burn. Not in a bon fire because it's too wet outside to have one...we're just fortunate enough to have a fireplace to burn stuff in. Happy Guy Fawkes day!

KKK

Oh yes, go to the Legion dressed as a KKK member complete with the confederate flag while having your friend in tow...face painted black and all. I actually know these people...we're not far from Campbellford Ontario. They won first place for their creation and the Legion got shut down for an investigation. The guy who dressed up as the KKK member is very sorry for his actions. He's also a former Toronto Police officer. Now here's why this is wrong: 1. A guy who knows better dressed up as a KKK member for halloween 2. The Legion let them in! 3. Not only did the Legion let them in they gave them a prize for best costume!
   The excuse being used is poor judgment...but I believe since it's the legion Alcohol was likely a factor. And now I have to hear this story every 5 minutes because we live in a small town 10 minutes from where this took place and everyone knows the guy and small towns just love to gossip. Scandalicious!

And this concludes this weeks Doody!

Getting into the Christmas Spirit

         The one thing I hate most about the Christmas season is the awful cheery Christmas carols they play on the radio. There is nothing worse than my Master merrily singing along horribly to all these songs. Sometimes she mocks them and then it gets even worse >< I particularly dislike cheery music. If it's not upbeat, funny or sarcastic then I won't listen to it. And I'm not talking Hip hop upbeat either I'm talking Death metal upbeat...you know screaming and plenty of bass and drums? Yeah I totally understand, you just don't get it...if you do then rock on.
          So this season to get into the spirit of Christmas. I have decided to search for 20 of the best Christmas songs out there. Bands make Christmas songs, there are songs that mock Christmas songs and there are some funny ass songs out there to be found. So this is my project. I will hunt these good songs down and by listening to them I should get into the Spirit of the holidays. My plans for being the Christmas tree top have been spoiled as apparently I weigh too much. I'm still up for being a centerpiece though so the more good songs I find the more decorations I shall wear. I know there's a little Santa hat somewhere and I could use a bit of tinsel assuming the cats don't eat it (You know cats and tinsel just do not mix...come on any cat owner knows what I'm talking about! Tinsel ass!)
           Alright...now off to find an epic Christmas song play list. have any good suggestions leave a comment.

Leave it to Beav...Bieber

           Millions of teen girls. In love with the same boy. Obsessed, willing to defend at any time. These girls will die for this boy. They get jealous when he pays attention to a girl other than them. The girl who meets him must die! So should anyone who disses him of course. The girls say they will ALWAYS love him, they'll be there till the end. It's different...it's true. It's not like New Kids on the Block, Backstreet Boys or N'sync...nooo this is totally different. This kid is like the next Micheal Jackson and these girls will love him until the end. As much as I dis like Micheal Jackson...he will always be better than this Beaver kid. I mean Thriller is an awesome song but Beaver hasn't come up with a single song worth...well...anything other than the love of millions of brain dead zombie teen girls (And maybe a few gay boys too...oh and Pedophiles...we can't leave the pedo's out).
             I have news for you ladies. In about...5ish years maybe less...perhaps more depending on how brain dead you are, your going to not love Justin Bieber as much. You will not be obsessed to the point of going to his defence every five seconds when another celeb goes and disses him. By the way Eminem is so going to have a feild day dissing this kid up. Well Assuming he's brave enough to diss the Biebs, Eminem might not want a million crazy girls attacking him with their screeching anger. There is nothing more irritating than a overly angry teen girl having a temper tantrum.Perhaps Weird Al will make a parody...or maybe not if he doesn't want to scare his valued fans. But anyway in 5 years you will be saying "Justin who?"
               Here's my reasoning. I (Well not me I was born in 2007...the person who owns me and clearly is pathetic enough to write these blogs on my behalf) was a teen once. "I was in love with this guy who may or may not have known of my existence...oh please please please I hope he doesn't know me that would be bad. Anyways when I was in grade 9/10 I was obsessed with some guy at the Bieber obsession level. I just had nobody to express my obsession with as I never met anyone else who loved him as much as I did. I was destined to marry this guy even though I'd likely have cardiac arrest if he ever spoke to me. Okay okay there was this one time he almost spoke to me but I actually walked away and went home for lunch...this makes a really funny story so shut up! I was in love and yes when someone messed with this guy I took offense...I sent him the world's most pathetic Valentines day card in the world...home made and (Okay I really would like to never speak of that again ><) But see...about 2 years later I got over him and looked back on how retarded I was. It became more of an admiration, less of an obsession and more of a "Oh crap I really hope he doesn't remember ANYTHING other than that time my friend and I wrecked all havoc at a hockey game and almost got booted out for our obnoxious behavior...good times) So there I had a silly teen crush just like EVERY other teen girl. I know how deep your connection is with this Beaver Boy and all but 1. You are NEVER going to marry him 2. Your going to hate him in 5 years 3. His music sucks 4. The Lyrics will be meaningless eventually they really are not genius but you clearly seem to think so and 5. you will grow up, find a guy to love and he will not put up with your Bieber loving BS so your choice will be to make your man happy or obsess over a loser who has no freaking clue who you are (Even if he dedicates all his stupid tweets to EVERYONE)"
               So have your fun Beliebers...it's just a teen thing...your obsessed over guys who sound like little girls when they sing. Oh and sparkly Vampires we can't leave them out. You've got a good few years of obsessing madly on twitter. A few years of driving your parents insane every time you insist they play your stupid JB CD in the car. A few years of annoying the folk on twitter who do not obsess over Justin and a few years to grow up, face the real world and have some real fun! Trust me in a few years you'll be obsessing over how much the government screws us in the ass and how crappy this world really is with or without that Beaver Boy. The real world is harsh sweeties and your parents THEY'RE TELLING THE TRUTH! (Unless they are on welfare for no important reason other than the fact it's easier to live that way) so good luck to society.

Sincerely the messed up mind of @gnomedruid and @epicreddragon

Hoarding 101

                This is a good hoard right here in the above picture. The Minion went Trick or treating and here is all her loot. We're fortunate enough to live in a small town where we know EVERYONE who was shelling out loot so there was minimal checking of candy. I helped checked the quality of candy of course. I was very sad when they took this hoard of candy from me. I mean I should be entitled to at least 10% since I went trick or treating too.

Here's the big happy family...I dressed as a Jedi...or was it lady Gaga...maybe Gaga Jedi? Whatever I was dressed in a pink boa with a pink glow stick so there. Master was a witch (How creative) The Minion is obviously a Cat and Master's Husband just randomly threw on the fish hat...theres a knitted fish eating his head...Master's husband is one of those last minute Halloween costume type of guys...no effort what so ever.

 Here's the living room. All the stuff from the store had to go somewhere and well...here it is. This is bad hoarding. Or at least it feels like it. We could not get to the couches, theres was no room to do anything etc. No worries though...it's all been put away. It took 5 hours but it's all organized, out of the way and the Livingroom is back to normal. But wait...there's more...

 This is the guest room. It is impossible to enter. There's a mountain of random stuff. Some of it is actually important but most will be organized and put in a yard sale next year. Our town has a crazy yard sale day. Saturday of the Victoria Day long weekend pretty much every yard has a sale. Master has been told she can't go yard saling next year, she's to have a yard sale instead. If we go buy more junk...we'll surely end up on hoarders sometime in  the near future.

The Dinning room table. More random stuff. Mainly knick knacks but somehow Master is finding places for these knick knacks. I have no clue where she's putting them but she's managing to find places so far.

The sink...all I have to say is...Good luck.

Where is alot of stuff going you ask? In the fire place of course. Kind of like this Justin Bieber picture. Master was saving it to create a conroversial photo and well here it is! "Justin your so Hot your on Fire!" He's burning nicely too! Tomorrow we burn the book of Scientology as well as some Twilight posters (Also saved for the fire...well originally it was saved for Master's little Sisters in Law but why would she support a disease?) So Fire place is helping us get rid of garbage and it might cause some uproar if this ever gets out. So there you go. Hoarding 101...only hoard if your going to do something with the hoard like we are. Such as eating it, yard saling it or burning it. Master was given a month to put everything away...but she can probably do it by the end of the week. Burning things is fun too plus it keeps the house nice and warm. And as long as nobody touches MY hoard I won't complain.

This weeks top Doody

                 I've decided to express my opinions about 5 or 6 news topics of the week. Strating with this week of course. There's much to rant about but I shall stick to just a few topics.

Farmville FAIL mom:  Because we all know Farmville is much more of a priority than a your own children. I won't even call this lady a mother, I shall call her Epic Fail Woman. A woman shook her baby to death because it interupted her valuable Farmville play time. Facebook is so damn important that you have to kill your own children. There seems to be alot of Fail Monster moms out there. Like that Alberta woman who threw her new born baby in a dumpster because she didn't even know she was pregnant! I don't care how much of a lard you are how the Hell do you not know your 8 months pregnant??? Anyways this makes me wonder...perhaps people should write a test or answer a questionaire before they are allowed to have sex...if they fail they should be spayed or neutered. It will be very benificial, think about it. No more welfare children! We all know most children who have welfare parents as examples also end up on welfare when they are adults...because its so much easier to screw the system over! If we don't act now what happened in that Idiocracy movie will eventually come true. We can't afford to de-evolve.

KFC Double Down-  the Double down sandwich from KFC had amazing sales in the last 10 days since being launched in Canada. Of course it did because we as Canadians will try anything that is contravercial. They had all sorts of health warnings and rumors of banning the sandwich. So because it's bad and unhealthy everyone had to go buy one. I find the sandwich delicious! It's two peices of chicken holding together havarti cheese, Bacon and sauce! It's mouth watering good! It's almost winter everyone can afford to put on a few pounds to keep em warmer. They say we're supposed to have a very cold winter this year.

 Rocket Launcher found on Victoria Island: not just any rocket launcher! A loaded one! One that's meant to take down tanks! Apparently it was lying in some brush along the side of a highway for approximately 6 months. My theory is someone hid it there for when the zombie appocalypse happens. We all know it's best to isolate yourself on an island because Zombies can't swim and it's easy to cull a zombie population on an island when you have an RPG. Briliant...I hope they don't locate my stash that would suck.

McDonalds sued for weight gain. some guy is getting a big sum of money because while he was managing a McDonalds he was told to taste test all the food for quality control. The bastard got free food and and he goes and sues McDonalds? What a loser! Suck it up buddy there's lots of starving people in this world. Obesity isn't the big problem of the world Starvation is and it sucks to starve. Once durring a plague a whole crapload of people died and I had less to eat...I lost like 300 pounds! It wasn't cool okay? So if weight gain is an issue and you have to go sue over it your a retard! It's not like he was forced to eat the entire damn meal (Which is what he probably did) I mean one french fry and a bite out a big mac won't make you gain that much weight...eating the entire damn menu daily will. Who's fault is that?

Time Traveller: A lady was spotted using a cell phone in a Charlie Chapplin film. She wasn't using a damn cell phone! She was holding her ear so she could listen to her voices demands better. It's science. People hear voices and they need to focus on them. It's very important. However in the event it was actually a time traveller I just want to ponder how they managed to conceal their Time travelling Delorean car.

Mariah Carey Pregnancy:  Who cares, its just another celebrity pregnancy. But then I realized how much I pity Nick Canon right now. He had the world's biggest diva on his hands to begin with and now he has a pregnant Diva. The poor soul. I also feel sorry for the child as MC is a ditz. She also can't sing...she kinda sounds like a drowning Chihuaua. But hey theres plenty of ditzy MC fans out there...I have yet to meet one that has an IQ past room temperature though. (P.S Mariah Carey sorta resembles Miss Piggy...it's just that Miss Piggy is hotter and can probably sing better)

                And this is the Doody of the week. Hope you enjoyed. 

Wreck Havoc???

                It has come to my attention that my master has been dealing with a true crab when it comes to selling her business. Master sold her Bulk Food store to a lady who used to work for the previous owners. It's cool and all but this lady is a complete Crapapple (Or in better terms a major Bitch) and Master has NO backbone to tell her off. Shes smiling and waving. If It were me selling a business I clearly would take bo Bull Doody from ANYONE! Infact I have some revengeful suggestions for my master: (Will she do them? Probably not? Are they still maniacle and funny? Hell yes!)

1. Have Aurora (My minion/masters 4 year old daughter) clog the toilet one last time! It's just so much fun taking the toilet appart to unclog say a cloth or a few toys. Aurora has flushed toys down that toilet countless times and each time the toilet had to be lifted up and stuff fished out. This makes one hell of a mess sometimes. After she flushes a few things down go flush happy...take some dumps in the toilet, flush some tampons down the toilet...make it nasty as hell. Because the clean freak Biatch deserves it! :D

2. Release some roaches. If roaches can't be found crickets will do and they are cheap as hell. Besides Roaches are sometimes unoticeable. Just dump about 50 crickets somewhere and leave.

3. Trail of fake mouse dumpings. Chocolate sprinkles sure do look like mouse poop. Have a few Zhu Zhu pet hampsters running amok too. They are very annoying and the batteries actually have a long life span. They might even contain Gasp Harmful chemicals! (Oh wait no they don't they recalled the Zhu Zhui pets with Pthalates already...ah crap!)

4. Mothballs. Dump a whole box of mothballs in places they will be hard to locate. Mothballs smell bad, they are quite unhealthy and the smell lingers for weeks!

5. Tell the villiage idiot who's purchased the store. Why? Because the new owner actually hates Shirley (the villiage idiots name is shirley) she hates shirley more than master, me and her best friend combined. Tell Shirley that Mrs. Crabapple is the new owner and mentioned she missed shirley so so much! This is PURE EVIL. Shirley is another blog altogether. I'm going to blog about this crazy person next!

6. Let the minion loose with a magic marker. Enough said.

7. Leave roadkill in the storage shed. :D Perhaps that deer head that was lying on the middle of Highway 7 the other morning? I'm sure another 18 wheeler will mutilate another deer soon. If deer cant be found there are plenty of skunks and beavers along the highway.

8.  Shop at store everyday. Because we annoy the hell out of the new owner. Just go and hang out. Drink some coffee first of course. Best of all bring the minion.

9. send owners best friends in to have major spousal fight. At least weekly. Make sure its durring busy hours. 

10. make a pact with all students from elementary school/highschool. They a)dislike new owner and b)love master because master is apparently cool (May be the fact she still looks 12) the kids can be disrespectful when they feel like it. Especially in large groups. The 8th grade particularily are very annoying. Those kids fear NOTHING and have big mouths. Bribe them with candy they'll do anything. They'll terrorize like nobody's business.

                 None of the above will happen...unfortunately. But it would be oh so much fun! The problem is Master is too damn nice even to those who constantly screw her over and make her life hell. When she has a backbone she feels guilty if she hurts someones feelings or ego...so within a day she actually appologizes for standing her ground. Me on the other hand...well I am that backbone but clearly I don't rule. One day though...one day! But until that day I'd like to bask in the idea of hilarious havoc. Theres probably more that could be done as means of revenge but they are too evil to write...I could possibly get in deep doody. However Master is considering idea #5...wait shes confirmed it. She shall release the Shirley. Out of all my evil Ideas she chooses the one thats pure evil! Best of all, it's out of our hands muwahahahahahahahahaha.

The Death Of Common sence

Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape. He will be remembered as having Cultivated such valuable lessons as:
...Knowing when to come in out of rain
...why the early bird gets the worm
...life isn't always fair
...and maybe it was my fault

Common sense lived by simple, sound financial strategies.
(don't spend more than you earn) and reliable strategies,
(adults, not children, are in charge.)

His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but
overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a 6 year old boy
charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens
suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch;
and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.

Common sence lost ground when parents attacked a teacher for doing
the job they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly
children.

It declined even further when schools were required to get parental
consent to administer sun lotion or aspirin to a student; but could not
inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted an abortion.

Common sense lost the will to live as churches became more like businesses and criminals
received better treatment than their victims.

Common sense took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a burgalar
in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault.

Common sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to realize
that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled it on her lap and sued for millions.

Common sense was preceded by his parents Truth and Trust, his wife, Discretion his daughter responsibility and his son Reason.
He is survived by his 4 step brothers;
...I know my rights
...I want it now
...Someone else is to blame
...I'm a victim.

Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone.
if you still remember him, pass this along. If not, join the majority
and do nothing.

Where are the G20 Anarchists at?

The 2010 G20 summit. Oh yes what fun that was. Overspending and then plenty of rioting. Unfortunately Canada's version of a Riot is hiding your face, smashing stuff and then running away. They thought they were smart, they thought they got away with it but with so many cameras flashing and video taken it was only a matter of time before everyone got caught. I mean come on, it doesn't matter how good you are at hiding your face there's thousands of cameras flashing and eventually someone is bound to snap a pic of your actual face...like what people did when the Anarchist shed their dark clothes and dressed like a bunch of yuppies. 

So where exactly are the G20 Anarchists anyway? Most are out on bail of course, so are they suffering for what they did? They not only damaged some buildings and cop cars they also caused the cops to get pissed off enough to go arrest happy on everyone else. You'd think the cops would know that the Black Bloc is a bunch of pussies who damage then run, all the anarchists were far out of town by the time the Cops could even react! One of them returned home to the little hick town I happen to reside in. She's still here, shes been arrested, she's out on bail. Sounds bad right?

The girl who's from my town destroyed 3 businesses, torched a cop car and was a ring leader. Naturally when her face ended up in the paper people from town were in shock and it spread within 5 minutes. Thats how this town rolls, you go do something stupid and everybody knows who you are and what you have done. Now this girl faces some hefty charges. She goes to court dates but the rest of the time is spent hanging out with her mom, her friends, her fiance and dog. She gets to roam town with her dog. She gets along with her mom so even that isn't punishment. We;re convinced her mom isn't even angry at her shes likely angry at the "System" She gets to enjoy coffee at the cafe, go shopping, and talk to people. We see her everyday with a big smile on her face. Why is she smiling? She probably won! She isn't off to jail and if she is she won't be there long. Whats even funnier is this girl is the most outgoing and sweet girl you could ever meet. She's very friendly. Infact you'd never expect the sweet little girl next door to even be capable of such horrible conspiracy. But she did it. She torched a police car, she smashed some windows and organized the event. She also disrupted the olympic torch run when it went through Guelph Ontario.

So if our local anarchist is having a good time chatting up people at the local coffee hub imagine what all the other idiots are up to while they are on bail. I've got a pretty good idea. Like that poster above says, they are using the very corperate items they spend so much time hating. If your going to be all for a cause like that it's best to just make your own clothes, farm your own food and ride a horse to the protests your going to wreck havoc in. Otherwise your simply a hypocrite and the world is going to laugh at you...like we are right now! Its also awesome to know their parents are rich enough to post bail on them.

               

Lemming appocalypse

              Real lemmings don't actually commit mass suicide that is actually a myth. A Lemming is a cute rodent...wait I'm not writting about Lemmings I'm writing about the other Lemmings. You know the follow the leader lemmings. If one person thinks its cool, 3 more think its cool then 9 then 18 then ALOT. This whole Lemming thing has been rampant for quite some time. It all started with trends and blew out of epic proportions.
                It has come to my attention that teen girls (and some female adults) in particular suffer from this Lemming ailment. Males have always liked the same crap for centuries (Sports...modes of transportation...world domination etc) but females just keep surprizing the world. The amount of stupid trends today is very very disturbing. I could make a list of many things but I will stick to 3. Justin Beiber, Twilight and Dramatic Reality TV shows.
                 I had no clue who the heck Justin Beiber was when I first heard about him. When I heard one of his songs I thought a girl was singing. I didn't think too much about it, I mean its just some kid that a bunch of teen girls adore right? Oh was I ever so off with my calculations. The thing with most teen girls is they MUST have common interests with other teen girls. If they don't they are deemed losers (Kinda like my master the social Highschool outcast when she was a teen). So Twitter exploded with Beiber fanatics, alot of these fanatics have Thousands of followers all because they LOVE Justin Beiber. "OMG you love him too!!! I am so following you we can like share lyrics and stuff". Beiber fans take over twitter trends very frequently. A girl named Sydney Dalton trended two whole days at #1 all because she posted a video of her and her girl friends tearing down JB posters. The hate mail that girl got was just crazy, the insults and even video threats all over a bunch of stupid posters. If one girl disses JB the whole JB community bands together like an army and attacks. Can you say unfairly out numbered? Its also getting worse not better...but many of us sane people (and dragons) are just praying this ends soon. But what will be the next trend? I'm too scared to think about it.
                Twilight...RUINED VAMPIRES AND WEREWOLVES!  Vampires DO NOT sparkle, they are allergic to the sun, and for goodness sake there is nothing romantic about vampires. They are blood thirsty creatures. If one seduces you in an alley way your simply a snack. Vampires were completely bad ass until Twilight came along and then all sorts of teen girls and some adult women became Edward obsessed. Or Jacob obsessed. I have news for all these girls. Edward and Jacob DO NOT EXIST! You will not be swept off your feet by the perfect charming handsome man you will end up with a guy who belches, smells funny and farts alot and ignores you when the Xbox is on. But theres just something about perfectly mysterious romantic guys that just trap girls in a fantasy world. I'm on Team Lestat because Lestat is bad ass. Edward is not a real vampire. Jacob is a loser and Twihards are VERY annoying. There is nothing more annoying than going to a movie theater and hearing girls go all giddy over a Twilight poster. Also If Stephanie Meyer Ever makes a book about friendly dragons that sparkle in the sun light I will end my life.
                  Which brings me to the Doody on TV. Where do I even start? We don't have cable which is great. The game consoles take over the TV anyways and the only time we actually watch something online is if it's a hockey game or something really funny. But I still have to listen to people go nuts over The Hills, Glee, Jersey Shore, Vampire Diaries,  etc. Gleeks? I mean come on the people on that show cant even sing...I saw 5 minutes of an episode and cringed in fear. The Hills scared me more. 5 minutes of that pointless crap was enough for me to want to throw either the TV out the window or Masters friend out the window. No Master was not watching the show she has standards and would rather waste her time on Facebook or reading an actual book. But one does not even have to watch The Hills to be surrounded by it. The pratts are fame whores, LC is constantly in every magazine, and they even write news paper articles about them...I'm not safe anywhere! Jersey Shore on the other hand is by far the most ridiculous crap on TV I saw a preview and began to cry. What the hell is the world comming to and why does this Doody occupy television, Trend on Twitter and end up in the news? WHYYY???? Better yet Im concerned for those who enjoy this crap. Oh yes thats right LEMMINGS! Because when all the ladies go out to ladies night to watch Sex In The City on the big screen they happily have something in common...those stupid shows.
                So Men...beware. And keep up the good work of not being a Lemming. Please keep discussing sports because sports are REAL and feel free to play your Xbox, play it well. It\ll be the only stuff that keeps you sane when your girlfriend tries to discuss her Doody with you. If your fortunate enough not to have a Lemming as your significant other give your self a pat on the back. You did well. As for me I shall be found cowering in my cave because I am terrified of what's to come next. Yes even Dragons have fears.  Beware the Lemmings!

Greetings Minions

                Due to the fact I blog better than my master I have decided to create this blog so I can rant. I have much to rant about. I have alot to say about many things such as: The Canadian Government...mainly Dalton Mcguinty because I dislike him (that bastard banned pit bulls in Ontario!), Lady Gaga and how she clearly is not human, Justin Beiber fans, Twilight, Twihards, Vampire diaries, anything on MTV, reality TV, the weather, this world, outter space...and much more. Oh and I\ll make fun of my master too because shes a tool and fun to diss (Shut UP I understand that if I diss her, really its just her dissing herself because I'm an action figure I obviously cant blog and I'm just one of master's personalities). I guess I can be possitive sometimes so I'll share zombie plan tips, funny gaming stories, really horrible jokes and the unfortunate events that happen to My master.
                     Enjoy...I shall get some material together soon.  Im open to your bad ideas...and good ideas too, good ideas are good.