This weeks top Doody

                 I've decided to express my opinions about 5 or 6 news topics of the week. Strating with this week of course. There's much to rant about but I shall stick to just a few topics.

Farmville FAIL mom:  Because we all know Farmville is much more of a priority than a your own children. I won't even call this lady a mother, I shall call her Epic Fail Woman. A woman shook her baby to death because it interupted her valuable Farmville play time. Facebook is so damn important that you have to kill your own children. There seems to be alot of Fail Monster moms out there. Like that Alberta woman who threw her new born baby in a dumpster because she didn't even know she was pregnant! I don't care how much of a lard you are how the Hell do you not know your 8 months pregnant??? Anyways this makes me wonder...perhaps people should write a test or answer a questionaire before they are allowed to have sex...if they fail they should be spayed or neutered. It will be very benificial, think about it. No more welfare children! We all know most children who have welfare parents as examples also end up on welfare when they are adults...because its so much easier to screw the system over! If we don't act now what happened in that Idiocracy movie will eventually come true. We can't afford to de-evolve.

KFC Double Down-  the Double down sandwich from KFC had amazing sales in the last 10 days since being launched in Canada. Of course it did because we as Canadians will try anything that is contravercial. They had all sorts of health warnings and rumors of banning the sandwich. So because it's bad and unhealthy everyone had to go buy one. I find the sandwich delicious! It's two peices of chicken holding together havarti cheese, Bacon and sauce! It's mouth watering good! It's almost winter everyone can afford to put on a few pounds to keep em warmer. They say we're supposed to have a very cold winter this year.

 Rocket Launcher found on Victoria Island: not just any rocket launcher! A loaded one! One that's meant to take down tanks! Apparently it was lying in some brush along the side of a highway for approximately 6 months. My theory is someone hid it there for when the zombie appocalypse happens. We all know it's best to isolate yourself on an island because Zombies can't swim and it's easy to cull a zombie population on an island when you have an RPG. Briliant...I hope they don't locate my stash that would suck.

McDonalds sued for weight gain. some guy is getting a big sum of money because while he was managing a McDonalds he was told to taste test all the food for quality control. The bastard got free food and and he goes and sues McDonalds? What a loser! Suck it up buddy there's lots of starving people in this world. Obesity isn't the big problem of the world Starvation is and it sucks to starve. Once durring a plague a whole crapload of people died and I had less to eat...I lost like 300 pounds! It wasn't cool okay? So if weight gain is an issue and you have to go sue over it your a retard! It's not like he was forced to eat the entire damn meal (Which is what he probably did) I mean one french fry and a bite out a big mac won't make you gain that much weight...eating the entire damn menu daily will. Who's fault is that?

Time Traveller: A lady was spotted using a cell phone in a Charlie Chapplin film. She wasn't using a damn cell phone! She was holding her ear so she could listen to her voices demands better. It's science. People hear voices and they need to focus on them. It's very important. However in the event it was actually a time traveller I just want to ponder how they managed to conceal their Time travelling Delorean car.

Mariah Carey Pregnancy:  Who cares, its just another celebrity pregnancy. But then I realized how much I pity Nick Canon right now. He had the world's biggest diva on his hands to begin with and now he has a pregnant Diva. The poor soul. I also feel sorry for the child as MC is a ditz. She also can't sing...she kinda sounds like a drowning Chihuaua. But hey theres plenty of ditzy MC fans out there...I have yet to meet one that has an IQ past room temperature though. (P.S Mariah Carey sorta resembles Miss Piggy...it's just that Miss Piggy is hotter and can probably sing better)

                And this is the Doody of the week. Hope you enjoyed. 

Wreck Havoc???

                It has come to my attention that my master has been dealing with a true crab when it comes to selling her business. Master sold her Bulk Food store to a lady who used to work for the previous owners. It's cool and all but this lady is a complete Crapapple (Or in better terms a major Bitch) and Master has NO backbone to tell her off. Shes smiling and waving. If It were me selling a business I clearly would take bo Bull Doody from ANYONE! Infact I have some revengeful suggestions for my master: (Will she do them? Probably not? Are they still maniacle and funny? Hell yes!)

1. Have Aurora (My minion/masters 4 year old daughter) clog the toilet one last time! It's just so much fun taking the toilet appart to unclog say a cloth or a few toys. Aurora has flushed toys down that toilet countless times and each time the toilet had to be lifted up and stuff fished out. This makes one hell of a mess sometimes. After she flushes a few things down go flush happy...take some dumps in the toilet, flush some tampons down the toilet...make it nasty as hell. Because the clean freak Biatch deserves it! :D

2. Release some roaches. If roaches can't be found crickets will do and they are cheap as hell. Besides Roaches are sometimes unoticeable. Just dump about 50 crickets somewhere and leave.

3. Trail of fake mouse dumpings. Chocolate sprinkles sure do look like mouse poop. Have a few Zhu Zhu pet hampsters running amok too. They are very annoying and the batteries actually have a long life span. They might even contain Gasp Harmful chemicals! (Oh wait no they don't they recalled the Zhu Zhui pets with Pthalates already...ah crap!)

4. Mothballs. Dump a whole box of mothballs in places they will be hard to locate. Mothballs smell bad, they are quite unhealthy and the smell lingers for weeks!

5. Tell the villiage idiot who's purchased the store. Why? Because the new owner actually hates Shirley (the villiage idiots name is shirley) she hates shirley more than master, me and her best friend combined. Tell Shirley that Mrs. Crabapple is the new owner and mentioned she missed shirley so so much! This is PURE EVIL. Shirley is another blog altogether. I'm going to blog about this crazy person next!

6. Let the minion loose with a magic marker. Enough said.

7. Leave roadkill in the storage shed. :D Perhaps that deer head that was lying on the middle of Highway 7 the other morning? I'm sure another 18 wheeler will mutilate another deer soon. If deer cant be found there are plenty of skunks and beavers along the highway.

8.  Shop at store everyday. Because we annoy the hell out of the new owner. Just go and hang out. Drink some coffee first of course. Best of all bring the minion.

9. send owners best friends in to have major spousal fight. At least weekly. Make sure its durring busy hours. 

10. make a pact with all students from elementary school/highschool. They a)dislike new owner and b)love master because master is apparently cool (May be the fact she still looks 12) the kids can be disrespectful when they feel like it. Especially in large groups. The 8th grade particularily are very annoying. Those kids fear NOTHING and have big mouths. Bribe them with candy they'll do anything. They'll terrorize like nobody's business.

                 None of the above will happen...unfortunately. But it would be oh so much fun! The problem is Master is too damn nice even to those who constantly screw her over and make her life hell. When she has a backbone she feels guilty if she hurts someones feelings or ego...so within a day she actually appologizes for standing her ground. Me on the other hand...well I am that backbone but clearly I don't rule. One day though...one day! But until that day I'd like to bask in the idea of hilarious havoc. Theres probably more that could be done as means of revenge but they are too evil to write...I could possibly get in deep doody. However Master is considering idea #5...wait shes confirmed it. She shall release the Shirley. Out of all my evil Ideas she chooses the one thats pure evil! Best of all, it's out of our hands muwahahahahahahahahaha.

The Death Of Common sence

Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape. He will be remembered as having Cultivated such valuable lessons as:
...Knowing when to come in out of rain
...why the early bird gets the worm
...life isn't always fair
...and maybe it was my fault

Common sense lived by simple, sound financial strategies.
(don't spend more than you earn) and reliable strategies,
(adults, not children, are in charge.)

His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but
overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a 6 year old boy
charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens
suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch;
and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.

Common sence lost ground when parents attacked a teacher for doing
the job they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly
children.

It declined even further when schools were required to get parental
consent to administer sun lotion or aspirin to a student; but could not
inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted an abortion.

Common sense lost the will to live as churches became more like businesses and criminals
received better treatment than their victims.

Common sense took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a burgalar
in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault.

Common sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to realize
that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled it on her lap and sued for millions.

Common sense was preceded by his parents Truth and Trust, his wife, Discretion his daughter responsibility and his son Reason.
He is survived by his 4 step brothers;
...I know my rights
...I want it now
...Someone else is to blame
...I'm a victim.

Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone.
if you still remember him, pass this along. If not, join the majority
and do nothing.

Where are the G20 Anarchists at?

The 2010 G20 summit. Oh yes what fun that was. Overspending and then plenty of rioting. Unfortunately Canada's version of a Riot is hiding your face, smashing stuff and then running away. They thought they were smart, they thought they got away with it but with so many cameras flashing and video taken it was only a matter of time before everyone got caught. I mean come on, it doesn't matter how good you are at hiding your face there's thousands of cameras flashing and eventually someone is bound to snap a pic of your actual face...like what people did when the Anarchist shed their dark clothes and dressed like a bunch of yuppies. 

So where exactly are the G20 Anarchists anyway? Most are out on bail of course, so are they suffering for what they did? They not only damaged some buildings and cop cars they also caused the cops to get pissed off enough to go arrest happy on everyone else. You'd think the cops would know that the Black Bloc is a bunch of pussies who damage then run, all the anarchists were far out of town by the time the Cops could even react! One of them returned home to the little hick town I happen to reside in. She's still here, shes been arrested, she's out on bail. Sounds bad right?

The girl who's from my town destroyed 3 businesses, torched a cop car and was a ring leader. Naturally when her face ended up in the paper people from town were in shock and it spread within 5 minutes. Thats how this town rolls, you go do something stupid and everybody knows who you are and what you have done. Now this girl faces some hefty charges. She goes to court dates but the rest of the time is spent hanging out with her mom, her friends, her fiance and dog. She gets to roam town with her dog. She gets along with her mom so even that isn't punishment. We;re convinced her mom isn't even angry at her shes likely angry at the "System" She gets to enjoy coffee at the cafe, go shopping, and talk to people. We see her everyday with a big smile on her face. Why is she smiling? She probably won! She isn't off to jail and if she is she won't be there long. Whats even funnier is this girl is the most outgoing and sweet girl you could ever meet. She's very friendly. Infact you'd never expect the sweet little girl next door to even be capable of such horrible conspiracy. But she did it. She torched a police car, she smashed some windows and organized the event. She also disrupted the olympic torch run when it went through Guelph Ontario.

So if our local anarchist is having a good time chatting up people at the local coffee hub imagine what all the other idiots are up to while they are on bail. I've got a pretty good idea. Like that poster above says, they are using the very corperate items they spend so much time hating. If your going to be all for a cause like that it's best to just make your own clothes, farm your own food and ride a horse to the protests your going to wreck havoc in. Otherwise your simply a hypocrite and the world is going to laugh at you...like we are right now! Its also awesome to know their parents are rich enough to post bail on them.

               

Lemming appocalypse

              Real lemmings don't actually commit mass suicide that is actually a myth. A Lemming is a cute rodent...wait I'm not writting about Lemmings I'm writing about the other Lemmings. You know the follow the leader lemmings. If one person thinks its cool, 3 more think its cool then 9 then 18 then ALOT. This whole Lemming thing has been rampant for quite some time. It all started with trends and blew out of epic proportions.
                It has come to my attention that teen girls (and some female adults) in particular suffer from this Lemming ailment. Males have always liked the same crap for centuries (Sports...modes of transportation...world domination etc) but females just keep surprizing the world. The amount of stupid trends today is very very disturbing. I could make a list of many things but I will stick to 3. Justin Beiber, Twilight and Dramatic Reality TV shows.
                 I had no clue who the heck Justin Beiber was when I first heard about him. When I heard one of his songs I thought a girl was singing. I didn't think too much about it, I mean its just some kid that a bunch of teen girls adore right? Oh was I ever so off with my calculations. The thing with most teen girls is they MUST have common interests with other teen girls. If they don't they are deemed losers (Kinda like my master the social Highschool outcast when she was a teen). So Twitter exploded with Beiber fanatics, alot of these fanatics have Thousands of followers all because they LOVE Justin Beiber. "OMG you love him too!!! I am so following you we can like share lyrics and stuff". Beiber fans take over twitter trends very frequently. A girl named Sydney Dalton trended two whole days at #1 all because she posted a video of her and her girl friends tearing down JB posters. The hate mail that girl got was just crazy, the insults and even video threats all over a bunch of stupid posters. If one girl disses JB the whole JB community bands together like an army and attacks. Can you say unfairly out numbered? Its also getting worse not better...but many of us sane people (and dragons) are just praying this ends soon. But what will be the next trend? I'm too scared to think about it.
                Twilight...RUINED VAMPIRES AND WEREWOLVES!  Vampires DO NOT sparkle, they are allergic to the sun, and for goodness sake there is nothing romantic about vampires. They are blood thirsty creatures. If one seduces you in an alley way your simply a snack. Vampires were completely bad ass until Twilight came along and then all sorts of teen girls and some adult women became Edward obsessed. Or Jacob obsessed. I have news for all these girls. Edward and Jacob DO NOT EXIST! You will not be swept off your feet by the perfect charming handsome man you will end up with a guy who belches, smells funny and farts alot and ignores you when the Xbox is on. But theres just something about perfectly mysterious romantic guys that just trap girls in a fantasy world. I'm on Team Lestat because Lestat is bad ass. Edward is not a real vampire. Jacob is a loser and Twihards are VERY annoying. There is nothing more annoying than going to a movie theater and hearing girls go all giddy over a Twilight poster. Also If Stephanie Meyer Ever makes a book about friendly dragons that sparkle in the sun light I will end my life.
                  Which brings me to the Doody on TV. Where do I even start? We don't have cable which is great. The game consoles take over the TV anyways and the only time we actually watch something online is if it's a hockey game or something really funny. But I still have to listen to people go nuts over The Hills, Glee, Jersey Shore, Vampire Diaries,  etc. Gleeks? I mean come on the people on that show cant even sing...I saw 5 minutes of an episode and cringed in fear. The Hills scared me more. 5 minutes of that pointless crap was enough for me to want to throw either the TV out the window or Masters friend out the window. No Master was not watching the show she has standards and would rather waste her time on Facebook or reading an actual book. But one does not even have to watch The Hills to be surrounded by it. The pratts are fame whores, LC is constantly in every magazine, and they even write news paper articles about them...I'm not safe anywhere! Jersey Shore on the other hand is by far the most ridiculous crap on TV I saw a preview and began to cry. What the hell is the world comming to and why does this Doody occupy television, Trend on Twitter and end up in the news? WHYYY???? Better yet Im concerned for those who enjoy this crap. Oh yes thats right LEMMINGS! Because when all the ladies go out to ladies night to watch Sex In The City on the big screen they happily have something in common...those stupid shows.
                So Men...beware. And keep up the good work of not being a Lemming. Please keep discussing sports because sports are REAL and feel free to play your Xbox, play it well. It\ll be the only stuff that keeps you sane when your girlfriend tries to discuss her Doody with you. If your fortunate enough not to have a Lemming as your significant other give your self a pat on the back. You did well. As for me I shall be found cowering in my cave because I am terrified of what's to come next. Yes even Dragons have fears.  Beware the Lemmings!

Greetings Minions

                Due to the fact I blog better than my master I have decided to create this blog so I can rant. I have much to rant about. I have alot to say about many things such as: The Canadian Government...mainly Dalton Mcguinty because I dislike him (that bastard banned pit bulls in Ontario!), Lady Gaga and how she clearly is not human, Justin Beiber fans, Twilight, Twihards, Vampire diaries, anything on MTV, reality TV, the weather, this world, outter space...and much more. Oh and I\ll make fun of my master too because shes a tool and fun to diss (Shut UP I understand that if I diss her, really its just her dissing herself because I'm an action figure I obviously cant blog and I'm just one of master's personalities). I guess I can be possitive sometimes so I'll share zombie plan tips, funny gaming stories, really horrible jokes and the unfortunate events that happen to My master.
                     Enjoy...I shall get some material together soon.  Im open to your bad ideas...and good ideas too, good ideas are good.