Just Doody:

         Haven't blogged in a while, Master has been too busy holed up in the bathroom where she keeps her secret candy stash, and now that it's no longer a secret she has re- located it to the Office. She's abusing Candy like Lindsay Lohan abuses drugs and booze. Anyways, back on topic. Instead of weekly Doody I'm just going to blog when ever the hell I want to. I may blog about Doody (stupid news stories, celebrities etc) or Treasure (Something that's NOT crap, like gaming, upcoming awesome movies, the fact that my master has a serious candy addiction...).

So now that I am back on track here is the DOODY!

I don't know why this is "Cute".

 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0rbMHLDY1pA&feature=player_embedded

 If you have not seen the video where the 5 year old girl goes on and on about how she needs a job first before marriage, click the link above. This video is not cute, it's bratty. And a whole wack of women are applauding this kid's wisdom. I'm sorry, if you have to take advice from a 5 year old then you clearly hit every branch on your fall from the stupid tree. This kid is CLEARLY wrong anyways. She says she will not marry until SHE has a job. What she needs to be saying is she won't get married unless HE has a job. What she's indicating is that women need to have jobs so that men can sit on their asses all day playing Video games and drinking beer. Obviously this 5 year old is not wise. She should also stop worrying about setting her priorities straight and go watch Dora the Explorer or something. You know, because that's what the average 5 year old does. 

Hairs the problem

About damn time, I was sick of the lamp shade hair cut. Bieber lost 80 000 twitter followers after he cut his bowl doo off for charity. This means 80 000 stupid brats don't give a rats ass about charity, shame on you brats. His hair is going to make a fortune for charity because cloning labs everywhere will want their hands on his DNA so that there can be enough Justin Bieber's for all the 6 million Beliebers who's only dream in life is to marry him. This is also when the Zombie appocalypse will occur and the rest of us non Beliebers will FINALLY get our chance to have target practice on Bieber zombies. Anyways the kid cut his hair, girls cried, they will probably re follow him after their stupid protest and we can all go back to listening to whiny obsessed Bieber Fanatics. Hair or no hair...he still looks and sounds like a chipmunk. 

Gadhafi

Attention dumb ass leader of Libya. YOU. ARE. AN. IDIOT. That is all...

And this concludes the Doody...for now.

Roll Up The Rim to Win Blues.

            It's that time of year again. When Canadians everywhere religiously get in line at Tim Horton's eager to buy their coffee in hopes of winning a prize when they roll up the rim. This is the time of year Master (Pictured above with her Chai Latte...ie hot smoothie with a chai Tea bag) looks forward to. When Roll Up The Rim to Win starts then that means Spring comes next! It also means lots of free coffee and donuts and possibly a brand new car!
          But this year Master has the Roll up The Rim to Win Blues. She's married to a Tim Horton's employee and is not eligible for a large prize nor is she allowed to purchase Coffee in a prize cup at the location her Husband works at. Her Husband is also clearly not allowed to take home a prize cup. This means they have reduced chances of winning stuff and they can't claim anything bigger than a Coffee or Donut. They also can't claim prizes at their location...because Everyone knows Master's Husband works there.
          Yes they could go get coffee at another location. The nearest location is a 15 minute drive and there is no need for them to travel that direction. The other locations are in the city which is a half hour from where they live. So it looks like it's bad news for their Roll up Thumbs...Or in master's case her Roll up teeth (As she uses her teeth to Roll up the Rim). This year they will have less enjoyment to see if they win a prize or get the dreaded "Please Play again" phrase under the rim. They do not get to boast about free coffee/donut winnings to their friends. It is a sad sad season.
          The good news is, there is no way in Hell Master's Husband plans on working at Tim Horton's the rest of his life unless he actually owns a Tim Horton's location. So possibly next March they will be back to normal routines and will be happily rolling up the Rim along with many other proud patriotic Tim Horton's patrons. But Until that day, Master gets to sulk all month because her Hopes and dreams have been crushed.

The Little Minion has taken a level in Rogue.

       My little Minion (Master's 4 year old daughter) has taken a level in Rogue over the weekend. We were all wondering what she'd be next and our questions were answered due to many events that occured over the weekend.
         Minion performed an amazing Sleight of Hand last night when she snatched up her Auntie's Ipod and made off with it. There were 6 people in the livingroom and yet nobody noticed her make off with a big silver Ipod. When asked about the missing Ipod she succeeded in a Bluff check as all the adults accused Chey of simply misplacing it. We searched high and low for 20 minutes before Minion pulled the Ipod out of the Bag of potatoes and handed it to us. She also succeeded in hiding an object as we would have NEVER guessed to look in a Potato bag for an Ipod.
         Minion then succeeded in moving silently in the morning. We are at the family farm, she was sleepng upstairs while Master and Master's Husband were sleeping on the couch down stairs. Either Master is going deaf or Minion suceeded in a very good Move Silently check. She Raided the fridge and played with the fish tank.
       Minion helpped herself to some loot (Cake) in the fridge. She took the loot upstairs and devoured it. She attempted to wipe the chocolate evidence off her face but missed a few spots. She also left many crumbs. But the point is she snuck into the kitchen without detection. She attempted a Bluff check but failed and was put in time out. But She came close to getting away with raiding the fridge.
       When we noticed that the net was in the fish tank and the Guppy was missing all eyes pointed to Minion. She admitted to it this time. However we have yet to find the fish, it died a horrible death somewhere that we do not know about. Minion succeeded in a sneak attack on the guppy, and more than likely critically hit as where ever that guppy is, it's dead.
        Later that day she did a sneak attack from behind while everyone was watching TV. Nobody heard her coming until we were startled by a big "RAWR!" and she pounced onto two of her aunties. She completely caught us off guard.
         I'm very happy for little minion, she's making a fine rogue. Master on the other hand is not impressed and has ideas of sewing bells into her clothing. 4 is one of those magical ages, if you think you have to keep an eye on kids at younger ages, wait till they turn 4. Minion gets into a lot of things which has forced master to put locks on doors, cupboards etc. The problem is even the baby monitor can't detect her sneaking out of her room in the evening...they may have to put noisy things on her door so they know she's sneaking out to go down stairs even though she's supposed to be in bed sleeping. We can't take our eyes off her for a second because in a flash she's into something that will likely make a huge mess. So we are dealing with the mini rogue, the one who silently sneaks around. The question is will she get better at being a little rogue or will she get worse? I guess we will have to see...for now, attaching a cow bell to her will fix the sneak attack issue, it did with the cats.
            

The Protestor's guide to MUMMIES

           If you are protesting in Egypt (or are currently in Egypt as a spectator, Journalist, or Tourist) you might want to know that Mummies have been released from their tombs and are currently running Amok in Egypt. Some may be on their way towards all the action in Cairo. I have compiled a simple guide to Mummies that the people in Egypt may find useful should they encounter one (or more) of these dreadful undead horrors.

The Average Mummy
            The average everyday Mummy looks like a corpse wrapped in burial wraps. If the corpse is in motion (As in moving on it's own) then it is clearly an undead mummy. Beware they are more dangerous than you think they are. Infact if you are a Level 1 Protestor you stand no chance of defeating it alone.

How to distinguish a Poser from a Mummy:
~If you hit a poser they feel pain. A Mummy Feels no pain and continues attacking.
~A Poser will flee from danger. A Mummy will not.
~A poser is not scary. A Mummy is very scary.
~A Poser will smack and push you. A Mummy can pick you up and throw you.

How Mummies Attack:
~Mummies like to slap (Or slam) their victims with their bare mummy hands. They do not use weapons.
~When a Mummy hits you...it hurts. ALOT
~If the Mummy successfully touches you, you must make a Fortitude save of 16 or you get Mummy Rot. Mummy Rot is a cursed disease and there is no cure. You must find a decent Cleric or spell caster to remove the curse. If you do not get the curse removed you will die and turn to dust.
~Mummies do not stop attacjing unless you run away or defeat them.

How to defeat a Mummy:
~ Hit them with at least 60 points of damage. 60 points would be the equivalent of 20-30 baseball bat wacks or 10 sword punctures or like 7 bullets from a gun. But be careful, don't let a Mummy hit you...it can KO you in one hit unless you are better than the average Joe.
~Mummies are prone to fire. Throw a molotov cocktail at it, that might take it down. But Run away as it will lumber after you. There's nothing more scary than a flaming mummy running at you.
~If you can cast spells, use positive energy spells, fire spells or spells meant to defeat the undead.
~Or you can just run away. They don't tend to follow. Besides if you are the average Joe Schmo chances are you will not pass the 16 Will save when you see the Mummy. In other words you will be paralysed with fear and crap yourself.

The Mummy Lord:
            Same as the Mummy but way cooler, way stronger and it can cast 5th level evil Cleric spells. Plus it has armor, lots of bling and you will really Crap yourself if you see one because it usually has an entourage of 10-20 regular mummies. Good Luck. You have zero chance.
     But in the odd event that you are in the military here's how you can take one down.


How to distinguish a Poser from a Mummy Lord:
    Nobody can afford to pose as one. The Mummy Lord has real Gold armor, fancy gems and means business. Anyone decked out like a Mummy Lord will get mugged by the crowd before they reach you.
A real Mummy Lord has a real Horror factor. A fake one does not. If you see a whole wack of people running from something that looks like Lady Gaga it's either a Mummy Lord or it's really Lady Gaga.

How Mummy Lord's attack:
~They beat your ass with their bare hands...and give you mummy rot
~They make you crap your pants thus you run away.
~They use evil Cleric magic powers and kick multiple asses.
~Their Cohorts (Swarms of bugs, other mummies, Lady Gaga, Bieber fanatics etc)

How to defeat a Mummy Lord:
~Napalm
~Law Rockets
~Grenades
~Tanks
~Better Cleric Spells
~Magic
~Harry Potter
~Batman
~Optimus Prime
~Chuck Norris
~Collossal Fire Breathing Dragons

         Hope this is useful. Remember, Mummies hate fire, Stay in large groups, Run from shiny Mummies, and bring extra pairs of pants. And if in Doubt Just flee.

Toronto G20 Protestors STILL Bellyaching? Bah! Go to Egypt!

           
I'm getting sick and tired of hearing Toronto G20 complainers. "The Police were unfair! The Police did this and they did that and I got hit by a rubber bullet and suffered this huge ass bruise on my ribs! OMG It like hurt so much! Then I got tossed in jail for like hours and they fed me processed cheese! THE HORROR!"
          Yes I've had every explanation and excuse under the moon. I've had protestors call me incensitive. I've had the famous "You were not there so shut up!" Speech aimed at me. Of course I wasn't there! I'm a 3lb spikey plastic dragon! I would have been confiscated like that one dudes LARPing equipment. I had nothing to protest so I didn't waste my time Down Town Toronto. I give a big thumbs up to all the smart people who high tailed it once it started getting violent. As for the Hippies who remained downtown chanting "Your sexy! Your cute! Take off your Riot suit!" you all had it comming AND your obviously alive so stop whining! Nobody died other than the economy. The Economy sunk in the fake lake along with Stephen Harper's reputation.
           Now I've been tuned in to the Egypt protests. Where the people have decided "Down with the ass who's in charge!" and are now roaming the streets of Cairo going crazy. There have been deaths in the riots. There are many injured. The police did not use rubber bullets and civilians are carrying around weapons. There were no preparations done for everyone's safety. Protestors have beaten up journalists, the pro government idiots have been throwing Molotov cocktails into crowds of demenstrators and the police and army just watch and do nothing.  I challenge some of the G20 Protesters to fly down to Cairo and protest. You might complain about more than tear gas and rubber bullets, you know because you have to dodge rocks, explosions, real bullets,  punches from people who don't like you because your white...
         The Toronto Police use tear gas and Rubber Bullets and the crowd goes insane accusing them of abuse! People freak out and want to sue the police. But I bet you any money these same hippies will call on the Police if they ever face a problem. The people of Egypt don't have the same priviledges as you spoiled brats. So think about it. Did you die? No??? Well then Shut up, go on with your life and stop complaining about how unfair your country is. Still think it's unfair? I'll use a teleportation spell to throw your little ass into the heart of the action in Cairo.

10 signs you play too much Dungeons and Dragons

1. You roll for inititaive in real life.

2. When you can't find something you insist you failed a Spot or search check.

3.When you hear the word "Cleavage" women's breasts do not come into mind first.

4.You give your daily items a magic value ie:" I'm wearing my +2 Business suit and drinking my +5 coffee of wakefullness."

5.You have dice littering your house, car, workplace, parent's house, friends house, etc.

6. You carry your dice and miniatures around with you just incase you get an opportunity to show and tell.

7.When you sneak up on a pal, significant other, familyt member, coworker or complete stranger you yell "SNEAK ATTACK!" Before you hug, hit, smack, poke or whatever from behind.

8.Your homes decor consists of dragons, swords, more dragons, D&D minis, demotivational D&D posters, more dragons and anything and everything magical-like.

9.You declare when you pass or fail a Fortitude, Reflex or Will save.

10. You own a  miniature of a Collosal Red Dragon, Carry it around everywhere and have a Twitter page and Blog for it.