Just Doody:

         Haven't blogged in a while, Master has been too busy holed up in the bathroom where she keeps her secret candy stash, and now that it's no longer a secret she has re- located it to the Office. She's abusing Candy like Lindsay Lohan abuses drugs and booze. Anyways, back on topic. Instead of weekly Doody I'm just going to blog when ever the hell I want to. I may blog about Doody (stupid news stories, celebrities etc) or Treasure (Something that's NOT crap, like gaming, upcoming awesome movies, the fact that my master has a serious candy addiction...).

So now that I am back on track here is the DOODY!

I don't know why this is "Cute".

 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0rbMHLDY1pA&feature=player_embedded

 If you have not seen the video where the 5 year old girl goes on and on about how she needs a job first before marriage, click the link above. This video is not cute, it's bratty. And a whole wack of women are applauding this kid's wisdom. I'm sorry, if you have to take advice from a 5 year old then you clearly hit every branch on your fall from the stupid tree. This kid is CLEARLY wrong anyways. She says she will not marry until SHE has a job. What she needs to be saying is she won't get married unless HE has a job. What she's indicating is that women need to have jobs so that men can sit on their asses all day playing Video games and drinking beer. Obviously this 5 year old is not wise. She should also stop worrying about setting her priorities straight and go watch Dora the Explorer or something. You know, because that's what the average 5 year old does. 

Hairs the problem

About damn time, I was sick of the lamp shade hair cut. Bieber lost 80 000 twitter followers after he cut his bowl doo off for charity. This means 80 000 stupid brats don't give a rats ass about charity, shame on you brats. His hair is going to make a fortune for charity because cloning labs everywhere will want their hands on his DNA so that there can be enough Justin Bieber's for all the 6 million Beliebers who's only dream in life is to marry him. This is also when the Zombie appocalypse will occur and the rest of us non Beliebers will FINALLY get our chance to have target practice on Bieber zombies. Anyways the kid cut his hair, girls cried, they will probably re follow him after their stupid protest and we can all go back to listening to whiny obsessed Bieber Fanatics. Hair or no hair...he still looks and sounds like a chipmunk. 

Gadhafi

Attention dumb ass leader of Libya. YOU. ARE. AN. IDIOT. That is all...

And this concludes the Doody...for now.

Roll Up The Rim to Win Blues.

            It's that time of year again. When Canadians everywhere religiously get in line at Tim Horton's eager to buy their coffee in hopes of winning a prize when they roll up the rim. This is the time of year Master (Pictured above with her Chai Latte...ie hot smoothie with a chai Tea bag) looks forward to. When Roll Up The Rim to Win starts then that means Spring comes next! It also means lots of free coffee and donuts and possibly a brand new car!
          But this year Master has the Roll up The Rim to Win Blues. She's married to a Tim Horton's employee and is not eligible for a large prize nor is she allowed to purchase Coffee in a prize cup at the location her Husband works at. Her Husband is also clearly not allowed to take home a prize cup. This means they have reduced chances of winning stuff and they can't claim anything bigger than a Coffee or Donut. They also can't claim prizes at their location...because Everyone knows Master's Husband works there.
          Yes they could go get coffee at another location. The nearest location is a 15 minute drive and there is no need for them to travel that direction. The other locations are in the city which is a half hour from where they live. So it looks like it's bad news for their Roll up Thumbs...Or in master's case her Roll up teeth (As she uses her teeth to Roll up the Rim). This year they will have less enjoyment to see if they win a prize or get the dreaded "Please Play again" phrase under the rim. They do not get to boast about free coffee/donut winnings to their friends. It is a sad sad season.
          The good news is, there is no way in Hell Master's Husband plans on working at Tim Horton's the rest of his life unless he actually owns a Tim Horton's location. So possibly next March they will be back to normal routines and will be happily rolling up the Rim along with many other proud patriotic Tim Horton's patrons. But Until that day, Master gets to sulk all month because her Hopes and dreams have been crushed.

The Little Minion has taken a level in Rogue.

       My little Minion (Master's 4 year old daughter) has taken a level in Rogue over the weekend. We were all wondering what she'd be next and our questions were answered due to many events that occured over the weekend.
         Minion performed an amazing Sleight of Hand last night when she snatched up her Auntie's Ipod and made off with it. There were 6 people in the livingroom and yet nobody noticed her make off with a big silver Ipod. When asked about the missing Ipod she succeeded in a Bluff check as all the adults accused Chey of simply misplacing it. We searched high and low for 20 minutes before Minion pulled the Ipod out of the Bag of potatoes and handed it to us. She also succeeded in hiding an object as we would have NEVER guessed to look in a Potato bag for an Ipod.
         Minion then succeeded in moving silently in the morning. We are at the family farm, she was sleepng upstairs while Master and Master's Husband were sleeping on the couch down stairs. Either Master is going deaf or Minion suceeded in a very good Move Silently check. She Raided the fridge and played with the fish tank.
       Minion helpped herself to some loot (Cake) in the fridge. She took the loot upstairs and devoured it. She attempted to wipe the chocolate evidence off her face but missed a few spots. She also left many crumbs. But the point is she snuck into the kitchen without detection. She attempted a Bluff check but failed and was put in time out. But She came close to getting away with raiding the fridge.
       When we noticed that the net was in the fish tank and the Guppy was missing all eyes pointed to Minion. She admitted to it this time. However we have yet to find the fish, it died a horrible death somewhere that we do not know about. Minion succeeded in a sneak attack on the guppy, and more than likely critically hit as where ever that guppy is, it's dead.
        Later that day she did a sneak attack from behind while everyone was watching TV. Nobody heard her coming until we were startled by a big "RAWR!" and she pounced onto two of her aunties. She completely caught us off guard.
         I'm very happy for little minion, she's making a fine rogue. Master on the other hand is not impressed and has ideas of sewing bells into her clothing. 4 is one of those magical ages, if you think you have to keep an eye on kids at younger ages, wait till they turn 4. Minion gets into a lot of things which has forced master to put locks on doors, cupboards etc. The problem is even the baby monitor can't detect her sneaking out of her room in the evening...they may have to put noisy things on her door so they know she's sneaking out to go down stairs even though she's supposed to be in bed sleeping. We can't take our eyes off her for a second because in a flash she's into something that will likely make a huge mess. So we are dealing with the mini rogue, the one who silently sneaks around. The question is will she get better at being a little rogue or will she get worse? I guess we will have to see...for now, attaching a cow bell to her will fix the sneak attack issue, it did with the cats.
            

The Protestor's guide to MUMMIES

           If you are protesting in Egypt (or are currently in Egypt as a spectator, Journalist, or Tourist) you might want to know that Mummies have been released from their tombs and are currently running Amok in Egypt. Some may be on their way towards all the action in Cairo. I have compiled a simple guide to Mummies that the people in Egypt may find useful should they encounter one (or more) of these dreadful undead horrors.

The Average Mummy
            The average everyday Mummy looks like a corpse wrapped in burial wraps. If the corpse is in motion (As in moving on it's own) then it is clearly an undead mummy. Beware they are more dangerous than you think they are. Infact if you are a Level 1 Protestor you stand no chance of defeating it alone.

How to distinguish a Poser from a Mummy:
~If you hit a poser they feel pain. A Mummy Feels no pain and continues attacking.
~A Poser will flee from danger. A Mummy will not.
~A poser is not scary. A Mummy is very scary.
~A Poser will smack and push you. A Mummy can pick you up and throw you.

How Mummies Attack:
~Mummies like to slap (Or slam) their victims with their bare mummy hands. They do not use weapons.
~When a Mummy hits you...it hurts. ALOT
~If the Mummy successfully touches you, you must make a Fortitude save of 16 or you get Mummy Rot. Mummy Rot is a cursed disease and there is no cure. You must find a decent Cleric or spell caster to remove the curse. If you do not get the curse removed you will die and turn to dust.
~Mummies do not stop attacjing unless you run away or defeat them.

How to defeat a Mummy:
~ Hit them with at least 60 points of damage. 60 points would be the equivalent of 20-30 baseball bat wacks or 10 sword punctures or like 7 bullets from a gun. But be careful, don't let a Mummy hit you...it can KO you in one hit unless you are better than the average Joe.
~Mummies are prone to fire. Throw a molotov cocktail at it, that might take it down. But Run away as it will lumber after you. There's nothing more scary than a flaming mummy running at you.
~If you can cast spells, use positive energy spells, fire spells or spells meant to defeat the undead.
~Or you can just run away. They don't tend to follow. Besides if you are the average Joe Schmo chances are you will not pass the 16 Will save when you see the Mummy. In other words you will be paralysed with fear and crap yourself.

The Mummy Lord:
            Same as the Mummy but way cooler, way stronger and it can cast 5th level evil Cleric spells. Plus it has armor, lots of bling and you will really Crap yourself if you see one because it usually has an entourage of 10-20 regular mummies. Good Luck. You have zero chance.
     But in the odd event that you are in the military here's how you can take one down.


How to distinguish a Poser from a Mummy Lord:
    Nobody can afford to pose as one. The Mummy Lord has real Gold armor, fancy gems and means business. Anyone decked out like a Mummy Lord will get mugged by the crowd before they reach you.
A real Mummy Lord has a real Horror factor. A fake one does not. If you see a whole wack of people running from something that looks like Lady Gaga it's either a Mummy Lord or it's really Lady Gaga.

How Mummy Lord's attack:
~They beat your ass with their bare hands...and give you mummy rot
~They make you crap your pants thus you run away.
~They use evil Cleric magic powers and kick multiple asses.
~Their Cohorts (Swarms of bugs, other mummies, Lady Gaga, Bieber fanatics etc)

How to defeat a Mummy Lord:
~Napalm
~Law Rockets
~Grenades
~Tanks
~Better Cleric Spells
~Magic
~Harry Potter
~Batman
~Optimus Prime
~Chuck Norris
~Collossal Fire Breathing Dragons

         Hope this is useful. Remember, Mummies hate fire, Stay in large groups, Run from shiny Mummies, and bring extra pairs of pants. And if in Doubt Just flee.

Toronto G20 Protestors STILL Bellyaching? Bah! Go to Egypt!

           
I'm getting sick and tired of hearing Toronto G20 complainers. "The Police were unfair! The Police did this and they did that and I got hit by a rubber bullet and suffered this huge ass bruise on my ribs! OMG It like hurt so much! Then I got tossed in jail for like hours and they fed me processed cheese! THE HORROR!"
          Yes I've had every explanation and excuse under the moon. I've had protestors call me incensitive. I've had the famous "You were not there so shut up!" Speech aimed at me. Of course I wasn't there! I'm a 3lb spikey plastic dragon! I would have been confiscated like that one dudes LARPing equipment. I had nothing to protest so I didn't waste my time Down Town Toronto. I give a big thumbs up to all the smart people who high tailed it once it started getting violent. As for the Hippies who remained downtown chanting "Your sexy! Your cute! Take off your Riot suit!" you all had it comming AND your obviously alive so stop whining! Nobody died other than the economy. The Economy sunk in the fake lake along with Stephen Harper's reputation.
           Now I've been tuned in to the Egypt protests. Where the people have decided "Down with the ass who's in charge!" and are now roaming the streets of Cairo going crazy. There have been deaths in the riots. There are many injured. The police did not use rubber bullets and civilians are carrying around weapons. There were no preparations done for everyone's safety. Protestors have beaten up journalists, the pro government idiots have been throwing Molotov cocktails into crowds of demenstrators and the police and army just watch and do nothing.  I challenge some of the G20 Protesters to fly down to Cairo and protest. You might complain about more than tear gas and rubber bullets, you know because you have to dodge rocks, explosions, real bullets,  punches from people who don't like you because your white...
         The Toronto Police use tear gas and Rubber Bullets and the crowd goes insane accusing them of abuse! People freak out and want to sue the police. But I bet you any money these same hippies will call on the Police if they ever face a problem. The people of Egypt don't have the same priviledges as you spoiled brats. So think about it. Did you die? No??? Well then Shut up, go on with your life and stop complaining about how unfair your country is. Still think it's unfair? I'll use a teleportation spell to throw your little ass into the heart of the action in Cairo.

10 signs you play too much Dungeons and Dragons

1. You roll for inititaive in real life.

2. When you can't find something you insist you failed a Spot or search check.

3.When you hear the word "Cleavage" women's breasts do not come into mind first.

4.You give your daily items a magic value ie:" I'm wearing my +2 Business suit and drinking my +5 coffee of wakefullness."

5.You have dice littering your house, car, workplace, parent's house, friends house, etc.

6. You carry your dice and miniatures around with you just incase you get an opportunity to show and tell.

7.When you sneak up on a pal, significant other, familyt member, coworker or complete stranger you yell "SNEAK ATTACK!" Before you hug, hit, smack, poke or whatever from behind.

8.Your homes decor consists of dragons, swords, more dragons, D&D minis, demotivational D&D posters, more dragons and anything and everything magical-like.

9.You declare when you pass or fail a Fortitude, Reflex or Will save.

10. You own a  miniature of a Collosal Red Dragon, Carry it around everywhere and have a Twitter page and Blog for it.

This week's Doody (Jan23-29th)

 I have a flu and I'm not in the mood for writing but I will attempt my Doody Blog...the best I can *cough Cough* ><

It's all yo Fault P.Diddy!!!
         A woman is suing Rapper P.Diddy for 1 trillion dollars because she claims he is responsible for the September 11 Terrorist attacks. The woman also claims that Diddy stole a poker chip worth 100 Zillions of Dollars that she had won at a casino. She's aslo claiming Diddy is the father of her 23 year old son. There's one thing wrong with this whole story...the fact this woman was allowed to procreate. People probably try to sue others over trillions or zillions of dollars all the time but the fact that some of these people have children is disturbing. I have said it before and I will say it again, stupid people need to pass a test before they are allowed to multiply. Oh and P. Diddy, Thankyou for being responsible for the September 11 attacks.

Next time...actually blow a real jet up.

http://ca.news.yahoo.com/blogs/dailybrew/chinese-tv-tries-pass-top-gun-footage-off-20110129-122945-920.html

Just when the U.S.A feared China was catching up a bunch of Top Gun geeks point out that the footage in the Chineese demo video of their new J20 fighter jets were not blowing up an actual jet. Click the link above to see for yourself the footage. While the Chineese may have changed a few angles they obviously stole explosion footage from the Movie Top Gun.  This either proves that their new jets can't effectively blow stuff up or the Chineese are too cheap to make a real demo. I'm sure they had their own people in awe, as for the rest of us, we're all laughing.

Last Place WINNER!
Congrats, you have been picked last for the NHL Allstar game and you win A BRAND NEW CAR! I wish I could win a new car every time I came in last for stuff. But last night Toronto Maple Leafs team mate Phil Kessel was chosen last to be in the NHL Allstar game, he won $20 000 and a brand new Honda CR-Z. At first I laughed because I can't stand the Maple Leafs and it was funny that Kessel was chosen last but now I'm going bash all you tards out there who are still laughing. The guy survived cancer at the age of 19, and he plans to donate the money he won to charity. He's very happy to donate his last place money to charity. So that right there makes the guy a winner. Phil Kessel, even though you are not my favorite hockey player and you play for the worst team in the NHL...you are a winner. So all you clowns still laughing at him for being last you ought to be ashamed of yourselves you low life losers! People who love donating to charities whether it be time or money are big Winners in this world.

Thats it for this weeks doody...I'm off to go hit my head with a sledge hammer to feel better...

This week's Doody (Jan 2nd-7th)

             Yes I know I'm late writing this...but it's not like many people even read my blog anyway so guess what? I don't care. This is for my amusement anyways and I enjoy chatting with myself and the cat rather enjoys my thoughts as well. But whatever...here's Last weeks Doody.

ARMAGEDDON!

Talk of...Yes I know the above picture is the Capital wasteland for all you Fall out 3 nerds...okay talk of mass animal deaths, floods, earthquakes, wars, The Toronto Maple Leafs getting 9 goals in a single game and the ever so creeping up year of 2012  have sparked people to yell out "End Of times." 5000 birds randomly dropped dead in Arkansas then 500 more in Louisiana then fish, more fish and more birds were plastered over last weeks news. And now nobody cares because no new deaths have occured. There is speculations on how the birds died and my theory is rednecks. Blame the rednecks. Why? They were firing off "Fireworks" and by fireworks I mean shotguns. Birds can't see a damn thing at night so they bumped into stuff. The Birds in Louisiana were in a bird cult and ate arsenic laced worms in hopes of meeting a spaceship in their deaths to take them away from this crappy hell hole. As for fish they die all the time. The crabs that died in the UK go through mass deaths every 2-5 years or so. The Leafs getting 9 goals in a game...well that might be a sign of end times OR the other team was simply drunk or something. If end times are near then good news everyone! We won't have to file our dreaded taxes so it's time to celebrate.

Vanity...what?

Um...I'm taken aback by this cover that I will be subjegated to seeing every trip to the grocery store. Good thing I won't get out much this month. Let me start off by saying I am deeply disturbed. There is kiss marks all over him and I think he's being grabbed by a zombie and he may have jizzed in  his pants by the expression on his face. Now underage teeny boppers can experience Vanity fair and pedophiles will finally have reason to purchase a copy of the magazine usually aimed at the older crowd. Well not this month. These zines will fly off shelves so millions of girls can worship the kid who clearly jizzed his pants. Whatever happened to girls gawking over jocks? What happened to the days freshman girls crushed on the senior with the biker jacket and motor cycle? Where did those times go? Jocks everywhere are suffering because freshman gals are now following the gay skinny kid with the Bieber hair doo around because they think he's eye candy. It's just not normal! And this magazine cover still disturbs me ALOT! All you freshman teeny boppers need to wake up and chase some jocks...you're chances of actually dating one are slim but alot less slim than dating Bieber. Besides the lucky girl or boy who dates Bieber will probably get assasinated by some psycho obsessed fan(s). Bieber you may have the hearts of millions of girls but you also have a curse...good luck getting into a nice normal relationship, it aint happening.

All in the name of BEER

Beer Vats. 45 meters long, 7 meters high. There are 6 of them and they need to make a journey from Hamilton Ontario to Toronto Ontario's Molson Brewery. The journey began and it will take about 4 days. Traffic will be disrupted, Powerlines will have to be taken down in many places. Accurate turns must be made. Some poles will have to be taken down as well. All in the name of Beer. The vats began the journey in Germany and are needed at Canada's famous Molson Brewery. The planning is massive. Canadians pride in their beer so there likely won't be too many complaints. I won't be surprised to hear of spectators standing in awe by the beer vat route, salivating and worshipping those vats. It's as if the Pope has arrived in town...beer lovers from near and far will come to welcome these 6 lovely new beer vats that will be making their beer soon. Hats off.

Lauren Conrad No longer a blonde.
      This headline popped up and I began laughing at the irony...okay, okay I know it means she dyed her hair brown. But Come on...Read the headline! I am not a fan of this Lauren chick...I have witnessed a whole half hour of the Hills and wanted to die. The girl is ALWAYS crying, her voice is annoying, her friends are annoying, the show is annoying. Audrina is even a "Blonde". hair color means nothing. Some people have Blonde moments and others are just full out Blondes like LC. In my oppinion she needs to shock the world and go goth.


Taylor to make another break up song
Taylor broke up with her boyfriend Jake Gyllenhaal. No surprise there. But the world was in shock...even if they all saw it comming. Who will Taylor date next? Who knows. Who cares? Depends on what or who she dates? Maybe she will; shock the world by going Goth? We will have to wait and find out.

Russia Kicks Canadian ass
Team Russia won at world Juniors, Canadian boys went home satisfied with Silver, Russia gets kicked off flight home for being too drunk, Canadians get over the loss after 2 days and the world goes on. It doesn't matter if we win or lose we all have to return to our daily grind the next day. Canadians need stuff to complain about anyway so I assure you many people vented by the water cooler.

Real Life Super Heroes
Every town needs guys like these. A group of guys like these walking around with weapons and video recorders.

http://ca.news.yahoo.com/blogs/dailybrew/real-life-superhero-stops-car-robbery-seattle-20110107-111314-082.html

Seattle has it's own suited up super heroes who walk around stopping crimes. Watch the link above, it's Epic. I would like to see more of these guys in other cities. Cops are one thing but seeing superheroes is waaaay cooler. It's interesting...maybe drug dealers and bank robbers will dress as villians making the news much more interesting. "And in todays news Pheonix Jones stops the Bieburgalar from robbing yet another 13 year old girl of her heart."

That's it folks. Hope you enjoyed last weeks Doody.

Things that Irk me.

Beliebers taking over twitter...or just Beliebers in general: I put up with constant Bieber trends now, in a few years the next generation of teeny boppers will have some other guy to drool over. I still don't see why kids like this Bieber kid. Then again some people wonder how girls were able to obsess over BackStreet Boys or N*Sync or whatever silly boy bands were out there. But the fact is teen girls search for something to love, and they all have to love the same thing just to be like everybody else. If Suzy hates Bieber she may get shunned by her friends so Suzy starts to be Bieber obsessed just like her friends...and that's my theory on how millions of Lemming like girls came to obsess over this 16 year old sensation with a horrible haircut. Bieber in general does not annoy me because I can choose what music yto listen to. Girls worshipping this kid on the other hand get VERY annoying. So annoying that I take back all my Twilight comments. Hearing girls go gaga for Twilight was bad enough...I should have bitten my tongue because hearing girls screa, for Bieber is even worse and these girls are EVERYWHERE.


Team Follow Back: You know, those people who do nothing but tweet "Follow @dumbass he follows back...follow me folow me I'll follow back!" As if it's freaking important that they get followers. Sadly there are tonnes of idiots who do the follow back crap. Why? I have no idea. Isn't twitter for following people who are interesting? If you are going to follow someone don't do it to get more followers. Who cares how many followers you have! What matters is that you have followers who actually like your tweets! I'd take 10 people who find me interesting over 100 people who are just following me to get me to follow them so my Twitter feed can be littered with Follow Back BS. It's annoying, and you idiots who do it need a life.

Spam: need I say more? Spam on facebook or twitter is just plain annoying. NO I do not need to lose weight or enlarge my penis. I'm Female I don't even have a penis and if I did I could just purchase a brand new plastic one. I'm plastic it makes sense.

Lame Vampires: I do not like Twilight or Vampire Diaries or House of Night or any other lamo vampire. Vampires are known to seduce people but only because they want to eat them not because they want a relationship. It's common Vampire knowledge. It says so In the Monster manual where my stats are. Vampires are Chaotic Evil and they don't give a rats ass about having a conscience because being bad ass is more fun. Whatever happened to the kick ass vampires from the 90's?
There's only one good vampire I admire and thats Spike from Buffy...but he had a chip implant so the bastard had an excuse not to eat people. He was also a better actor than the other romantic vamps and he was funny as hell.

Spelling Errors: Okay yes sometimes people accidentally make an error because they are in such a hurry that they miss a key or two, but those who are just plain horrible spellers really annoy me. Those who do it on purpose piss me off more. The only reason to shorten words is if you have a good tweet and all the words won't fit unless you shorten one or two words. But shortening words out od laziness is just plain retarded. STOP SPELLING STUFF WRONG >< GAH! I also hate slang.

PETA:  Steak is yummy. So is Bacon. And Fried Chicken, and salmon and...you know what? Tofu tastes like shit okay? How people even eat that crap I'll never understand. I eat Meat only...sometimes cheese and chcolate but mainly meat. I am a carnivore. Humans on the other hand have teeth specifically for meat and plant. Also has anyone ever noticed that PETA only defends cute animals? I bet those hypocrites kill mosquitos and spiders! Don't see too many members cuddling eels and squids in photos do we? PETA has accomplised nothing with their protests. Green Peace on the other hand deserve credit as an organization because they are stupid enough to get shot at as they chase ships and stuff. So Until PETA starts risking their lives for the cute cuddly animals nobody will care. Also Meat is yummy. It's full of essential nutrients.


MTV: All the shows on MTV SUCK! The Hills was just horrible. I was subjected to a whole half hour of the Hills and I wanted to end my life. Jersey shore also kills braincells. There's countless other dumb shows on that channel that likely kill braincells. Boys, if your Girlfriends are sucked into MTV end it...it'll be good for them. Trust me!


The Cold: I do not like cold weather, it makes me weak. Says so in the Monster Manual. It's winter and I am pissed.

Rap Music: It sucks!


High Level Adventuring parties trying to slay me: It means I actually have to get off my ass and do something. I hate it when they arrive when I'm in the middle of a nice snooze. Or worse, this one time I was half way through taking Hoard inventory and I lost count because a group showed up and interrupted me. Don't people know it's very rude to interrupt???

The Weather Network: They're never accurate.

Theres so much more that annoys me...and I think I wrote a similar blog a few months back, but I don't care It's important that people know what irks me. Because I eat people who piss me off...or at least I used to before I became a 1 foot tall plastic dragon. The fact that I'm made of plastic also irks me. It would be nice to not rely on master to carry me around. sigh*

It's a trend: Post those unappealing pics! POST THEM!!!

             The Media has decided to make a big deal over Russel Brand posting unappealing photos of his wife Katy Perry. So? In the photo she is not wearing makeup and looks to have just woken up. Russel then proceeds to post the photos on Twitter which pisses Katy off so he removes them...but the damage is done because the media now has possession of a photo. Here it is:

It's not a bad photo. Infact it's not as bad as this one:

 The above pic is 100 times more disturbing than the picture Russel posted. I actually want to vomit. I mean 1. She's kissing that Bieber kid on the cheek 2. He's like what? 16? 3. Okay mainly she's kissing Bieber and he looks like he just Jizzed in his pants. Eww.

I Suppose Katy could get revenge by posting bad photos of Russel but honestly most of his photos are pretty unappealing so she'd have to post a shower pic or something and that just wouldn't be good.

So I hereby have decided to join this posting trend by posting unappealing photos of the one who owns me. She's not famous though so it's not as effective but I'm merely trying to make a point here. The following photos are of my Master. She has no make up on, her hair is a mess and in some she may have ugly expressions. Enjoy:

     Theres plenty more, amazingly on facebook too. Guess she Just doesn't care about getting tagged in those horrible photos friends have taken over the years. But see it's no big deal, there really isn't a point in getting mad at horrid photos, infact horrible photos are quite funny. Will we see more celebrity photos as the year goes on? More than likely. Will people even care? Maybe for 5 seconds or so. So by tomorrow everyone will probably forget that Russel ever posted those photos of Katy. Me on the other hand...I'm praying she doesn't take revenge because the last thing I want to see when I go check up on the news is a picture of Russel Brand's butt cleavage or something...*Shudder*

Part 4 of 4: Epic Christmas songs.

 

Merry Christmas Miiiiiiinnnnnnniiiiioooons! I did not forget to finish my Epic Christmas tunes series. Luckily for me my master had an appendix false alarm yesterday so I have today to bring to you 5 more songs to get you in the spirit for tomorrow. I would have blogged earlier this week but the lovely master who types my blog out for me was sick all week. She's much better now after a 5 hour hospital stay (Only to find out Doctors have no clue what's exactly wrong with her intestines) so we bring to you 5 more funny songs. Enjoy Minions.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5cfp6LK1v04&feature=fvst Jingle Smells Because farts are funny...if you don't think farts are nature's humor you stink.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2kJ8kE5Kf3g  Walking around in Women's Underwear

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VJOe3CXE-mA Red Neck 12 Days of Christmas: Jeff Foxworthy

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wB8co0P4Glo&feature=related Damn it I'm Vixen 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wofsgfQ2VSc&feature=related O Holy Night: Eric Cartman
Bonus Song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=48DgA5xS914 Mr Hanky the Christmas poo

There I did it. Hope everybody enjoyed. Have a safe and fun Holiday season. Don't drink and Drive or because I'll find you...nothing irks me more than stupid Drunk Drivers. Stay Insane Minions! 
 



 

Part 3 of 4: Epic Christmas songs

              8 more days until Christmas! here's 5 more Epic Christmas songs. The theme is the 5 awesome sounding Christmas songs. I was considering finding 5 versions of "Carol of The bells" because that is by far the coolest sounding carol ever and you can do so much with that song but I refrained...Everyone knows the Home Alone version is the best.
             Here they are! Top 5 kick ass songs of the Holidays:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4vNcGlM8O3I Carol of the Bells-Trans Siberian Orchestra

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-A_oEaJZPwU Rudolf The Red Nose Reindeer Metal style.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D5DsDiT2XAM&playnext=1&list=PL846B2ED588A30993&index=5 Metal Version of "Mr. Grinch" Come on! Everyone loves the Grinch song!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aARf8Zi0yGw Heat Miser-Thousand foot Krutch

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zlg5KuFSGGc&NR=1 Jingle Bell Rock- Thousand Foot Krutch Damn this band is good.They made a pretty sweet Christmas rock album. I like this song!

 Have a Dragony Christmas season everyone. One more blog in this series, I shall find more funny songs.

This week's Doody (Dec 12th-16th)

Delivering The mail "Invisible Style."

   
A Mail carrier in Whitefish Bay Winnsconsin decided he wanted to cheer up a woman on one of his rounds by delivering the mail in the nude. That is by far the poorest excuse I have ever heard. How stupid does one have to be to think that showing up at a woman's office in the nude will cheer her up? Oh wait, my bad Americans do crazy stuff like this all the time so It's not all that uncommon. The good news is that the postal worker did realize it wasn't a very bright idea. He was arrested a few days later...WAIT HOLDUP! It took them a few days to charge the guy? I have nothing further to say on this topic! Although I think as punishment they should send him to Canada (preferably Edmonton or Calgary) to deliver mail in the nude.



You Sue, I Sue we all Sue for retarded reasons!

Guess who's getting Sued yet again? That's right! McPuke! The reason this time is even more ridiculous than that guy who is suing because McPuke made him obesse. Oh no this is even better. A group in California is suing the company because it lures children to make unhealthy choices through it's Happy Meals. Kids just want the toy so they beg and beg their parents to take them to McDonalds to get happy meals. This is a) hard on parents and b) bad because kids are at an age where they are vulnerable to marketing. I offer these lazy ass parents a solution: STOP LETTING YOUR KIDS RUN ALL OVER YOU AND PUT YOUR FOOT DOWN! If you do not want your kid eating a happy meal then just say NO! Or better yet, they just want the stupid toy and most McPuke restaurants sell them without the meal. The problem isn't marketing it's bad parenting. Kids beg and beg until parents get sick of the whining so they give in. Guess what? Everytime you give in to a child's desires they will continue to beg and beg for random crap just because they Know it annoys the hell out of you and you will give in. Next time your kid annoys you start putting your foot down, take their stuiff away if they don't shut up and maybe next time they'll THINK before whining in the back seat of the car.

Most annoying word Revealed
  ..........Whatever.......

It's The end of the world! Build some bombs!

           A man in (Yes the USA) pleaded guilty to making bombs because he had watched the movie 2012 and feared for his family. Thus he built some bombs to protect his family when the government failed and food raiding comenced. He's from Kentucky so this explains ALOT. I personally would have used the zombie appocalypse as an excuse to build explosives so I must say this guy is a dumb ass. Also people in Kentucky should be banned from watching all fictional movies and be subjected to only Documentaries, The Hills, American Idol and Glee.

Top Ten Lists:
Thought I'd remind everyone that over the next few days we will all be bombarded with many Top ten lists. Why? It's nearing the end of the year. There will be double the lists this year as it's 2010 and we have just completed another Decade. If I find any worthwhile lists I'll blog them for everyone.

This week's Doody (December 5th-10th)

That's awesome:

           Some guy in Oregon USA decided to legally change his name to "Captain Awesome." Why? Because it's obviously a really Awesome name AND he was named after his father thus there was complications when it came to mail. Captain  Awesome's Grandmother does not like the fact that he legally changed his name. His Dad doesn't seem to mind (I'm certain he'll be just happy to stop getting his son's porn mags in the mail). When interviewed about if his girlfriend will change her last name to "Awesome" if they married the little douche said "We ain't that serious haha" Ten Points Captain Awesome that's the way to talk about your lady.

Public Service announcement: YOU ARE GOING TO HELL!

 Westboro Baptist Church members are at it again. This time they will be picketing Elizabeth Edward's Funeral with signs that read "Thank God for Breast Cancer." These are the same lunatics that protest funerals of soldiers and pretty much...well...everything. God hates alot of things doesn't he? I wonder which diety they serve? Heck even my Diety (Tiamat) the Dragon Queen isn't even as bad as what ever the heck they serve. Last time I checked (Most) Christians were peaceful, loving, non hating, giving, compassionate, very friendly folk. But there always has to be a few groups who ruin it for the rest. FYI most churches are NOTHING like Westboro, these lunatics are likely going to get a slapping from God and they should change their name to "Westboro Lunatic Cult". But I must say, they have colourful eye catching signs. Oh and if God hates Jews he must hate Jesus because Jesus was not Christian Jesus was born Jewish. Stupid uneducated Cult!

Monster Storm
         The weather network has creatively come up with a fierce nick name of a storm that is due to hit Southern Ontario on Sunday. Woopie! First Snowmageddon then Weather Bombs...where do they come up with these stupid names? Until they call a storm something like "Chuck Norris Proportions" I'm not getting worried. After all it's just another Colorado Low hitting up Ontario. Suck it up Canada! It's winter and that means SNOW!

And the Votes are in!
       Drum roll please. The top 5 celebrities most search for 2010 are: 5idiots I can not stand.
At Number 5 we have Sarah Palin. I am sick of hearing that broad's name!
At Number 4 we have Sid the Kid. But at least he accomplished something.
At number 3 we have Justin Bieber. I have nothing further to say about this.
At number 2 we have Tiger Woods. A Lion wouldn't cheat but a Tiger wood!
At Number 1 we have Lady Gaga...really? Nobody saw that coming! I mean meat dress, saying that vaginas have super powers...I'm one of the many who truly belive She/he/it is from outter space.

The "Highest" Christmas Tree

 German police say an "old hippy" is facing possible prosecution for his version of the, ahem, highest Christmas tree — a festively decorated two-meter- (two-yard-) tall marijuana plant.
      They of course broke this guy's heart by ceasing the Christmas tree. It makes me wonder. Was he high when they took it and did he think maybe the Grinch was tealing his Christmas? The guy quite literally put lights on a cannibis plant in his appartment! He planned to put present under it! I bet he planned on smoking his tree on Christmas day! And the Grinchy cops ruined his festivities. I don't agree with smoking weed but I mean come on! The guy is old, he's probably not selling his weed let the old hippy have his merry Christmas. I kind of feel sorry for the guy...I'm also envious that his tree beats my tree above the toilet in the bathroom.


So there you have it folks. There was actually lots of good material to blog about this week proving once and for all the world is still going down the toilet like a little peice of doody. Have a great Holiday season everyone and remember kids, don't get caught with a 6 foot tall Cannibis Christmas tree.
            -Anadralius-

Epic Meal Time om non nom

             I have become a fan of a youtube group known as "Epic Meal time". First of all they are Canadian. Secondly Their cooking skills are seriously EPIC. They put the Double Down to shame. Basically what they do is make really delicious fattening food, film the process, count all the calories and then sit down and chow down on thir creations. They have created Epic creations such as: The epic Pizza (A pizza made out of fast food), The Meat Log (eaten by a really Hot Gamer Chick.), The Greatest Sandwich ever (A french toast french bread sandwich covered in bacon, poutine and Maple Syrup) and the best one yet The Turbacon. I'd explain the Turbacon but you must see this for yourself: http://www.youtube.com/user/EpicMealTime#p/u/2/7Xc5wIpUenQ 
           I'm really Hungry now. I feel like a Turbacon but probably can't afford to make one. I'm looking forward to more of their creations, these guys (And Hot gamer Chick) are EPIC! And I don't use the term EPIC lightly.

Rock your stockings off! Part 2 of 4 epic Christmas song list

              Time for some Rock songs for the holidays. I actually had a hard time finding awesome rock music. But I found some so here it is! Enjoy.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=93bBrrrXz00 Billy Idol: yellin at the Christmas Tree.     

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BN3m6wK1wwc ACDC Mistress for Christmas.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wCLirt141_c&feature=related Sum 41 & Tenacious D: Things I want Yeah I know this one should be under the "Funny" Category but I found it more Rock worthy.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cGzRBDFFYzw 30 seconds to Mars: Santa Clause through the back door

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vmEfFlbqbbY&feature=fvw Twisted Sister: O come all ye faithful.
Because cowbell is festive right???

There you have it. Some rock music to add to your christmas play lists. If rock is not your taste of music and you prefer nice Christmas songs sung by Mariah Carey or Celine Dion or some country singer then you are obviously reading the wrong blog! Merry Christmas everyone...we're all done our shopping and it isn't even December yet. This gives me more time to search for some more epic songs. Have fun at the malls suckers!

Home sweet Home..

                  I'm bored and I felt the need to vent about my owner/Master. Her name is Jess, she's 23 years old and has issues. Issue Number 1. It's Mid November...the tree in the picture above has been up since October 29th! It's Mid November and those are wrapped presents under it. We have a small fake tree on a table because the pets would destroy a real or larger tree. All it takes is one cat to hide in the tree from the dog and instant disaster so Jess felt the need to pull this tree out, set it up and put presents under it before December. Some of those presents were wrapped in August. OCD Christmas much? Oh and this is nothing...

   Where on Earth does one put that extra small tree? Well on top of the toilet of course. This is so tacky. Whats worse is she is proud of this accomplishment. Yes it's tacky but now that we live in a Hick town it's all good.  I'd like to point out that this looks like a bad prison photo. Also the walls need better paint as steam from the shower stains them and makes the walls look crappy! But anyways here's the tree decorated with toilet paper rools as well as half a T.P roll as a star/angel...the worst joke so far happens to be "leave a present under the tree." If you don't get it, your just plain dumb. By the way...don't forget to flush the present when your done.

The creepist window display ever. Yes that's an old porcelain doll, a clown and a country style sewn bunny in the window. There's a tacky macreme floral cat too but it's thankfully blocked. Why are these things even in the window? Jess says she had no better place to put them and she enjoys staring at a clown as she does the dishes. Is my Master disturbed? More than likely. Is this window disturbing? No it could actually be worse.

Because every normal person has a yogurt machine in their kitchen. Yes that machine that the cat is sleeping on is a working soft serve yogurt machine. You throw a yogurt bar in with a cup of fruit, pull a lever, the auger crushes the fruit and yogurt bar and voila soft serve yogurt! It's yummy stuff. But this isn't so bad, what's bad is Jess is decorating the things with Knick knacks like that fancy welcome sign in the front. And to the left is an industrial coffee maker. Because the small one just wan't cutting it they need 2 burners instead of 1.

And here I am with the Dog (Her name is Seven of Nine.) and One of the 3 cats (O'Malley). Oh and that's Jess' butt but you have to look hard to see it as it's so small. One might say "What ass?" which is a factual statement. The most messed up thing about this post though is the fact Jess made fun of herself and is giving all the credit to me! Anadralius! A Plastic Dragon. I'd go on and on some more with my oppinions about my wonderful geeky Master but...there's just too much to mention and I don't want to scare anyone. So there you have it...hope you enjoyed the tour of some of our sweet home. Thankfully the plans to put a microwave in the bedroom were scrapped, for now anyways.

This Hicktown Rocks

              Norwood Ontario population 1300 (Okay it's more like 5000 but the sign which hasn't been changed in like 20 years says 1300). A town this small obviously gets the name "Hick town". We have one set of traffic lights, everyone knows everything about everyone and there's no Tim Horton's coffee shop! The Timmies is in the next Hick town over which is a 10 minute drive.
               But despite Norwood being a hick town that not many have heard of I'd like to let everyone know our little hick town produced 3 amazing rock bands. All 3 are known, all 3 are awesome and all 3 have roots in Norwood.

Three Days Grace: 

Three Days Grace not only makes great music they are very down to Earth People. Nothing pisses me off more than a celebrity who walks around like they are all "That". These boys come home. Brad Walst the Base player has a son who goes to the public school. Everyone knows them, talks to them as if they were just regular hometown boys and the best part is they act like they are right at home in this little hick town. They threw a benifit concert at the Community Center back in 2008 to help raise funds for the new community center. "My Darkest Days" Opened for them that night. "My Darkest Days" Is the other band that has Norwood roots and they have also become a successful band.
          Brad Walst, Adam Gontier and Neil Sanderson all have Norwood roots. The band was called Groundswell back in 1992 but they broke up. They then got back together, recruited Barry Stock as a guitarist and became Three Days Grace in 1997. Their first single was "I Hate Everything about you." they now have multiple hit songs. "Pain" "Never too late" "Just like you" just to name a few.

My Darkest Days:

My Darkest Days was founded by Matt Walst who is from Norwood and is the brother of Brad Walst the Bassist of Three Days Grace. Chad Kroeger (Nickleback) Heard them and  signed them to his record lable. Their first single hit was "Porn Star Dancing" after they were signed. Now that's the only Single they have so far that went national (They play some of their older songs on the radio in this area). This band is new on the scene but they are good and they are hopefully going to produce some more rocking music.
Check out "Porn Star Dancing" thier first Hit http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c2Fnet0y9Ts


Art Of Dying:
While this band was not established here in Norwood They do have a Norwood local as their Bassist. Cale Gontier. He's the cousin of Adam Gontier. Cale is also a bassist for Thronley. He was also Three Days Grace's Guitar Technician. So  adding Thornley to the list that technically makes 4 bands that have Norwood talent. Art of Dying plays songs locally at the Legion, Thornley and My Darkest Days have also played many gigs at our Legion. They can't seem to stay away from our Legion!The Legion is the only place in town that serves alcohol after 9pm so I don't really blame them.

 I reccomend checking Art Of Dying if you have not heard of them. They are a hard rock group, they sound great and have all around awesome music. I went through all their songs on youtube and I happened to liked them all."You Don't Know me"    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p4NVrUSvTbI  Is a pretty good song. Click the link and check it out.

I'd go through how these 3 (plus more) bands are connected but I'm too lazy to do the reasearch to tell you which band members switched bands or started new ones or whatever. All I can say is Norwood is definately the roots of Three Days Grace and has produced talents in My Darkest Days as well as Thornley and Art Of Dying. Norwood doesn't have any other known bands of other genres (That I am aware of) But it's still good to know that Norwood produces good Rock stars and not Justin Biebers :D
   Oh and for those who still don't know where the hell Norwood is, it's located East of Peterborough Ontario right before Havelock Ontario (Home of the biggest red neck country music convention in Canada...the Havelock Country Jambouree).  You drive right up Highway 7 and it'll go right through Norwood. But people don't stop here because Havelock has the Tim Horton's and we do not. But We have great Rock Stars so HA! Screw you Havelock Ontario!

Part 1 of 4: Epic Christmas songs.

            Funny Songs:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tb-Mce9VpmY The Night Santa Went Crazy: Weird Al

                

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l2oPio60mK4  Twelve days of Christmas: Bob and Doug

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rCfnZFP2tLM Down with the Christmas: Down with the sickness parody. The singing isn't the best...its not bad but not the best either. However, I rather like the lyrics.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wskT6YfVB6E&feature=related  Jingle Bombs: Achmed the dead terrorist. Everyone loves Achmed. :D

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yasSkqJBytk  12 pains of Christmas by Bob Rivers. Actually this link is great. It's the Ruin Scape parody and is really well done. So all my geeky followers if you haven't seen this one you'll enjoy it.

There you have it. 5 of my all time favorite funny christmas songs. Next week will be the top 5 Rockin Christmas songs.  I'll also post more funny songs as there are tonnes. There's just too many parodies out there and the parodies are so much better than the original versions. So Hope you enjoy.

This week's Doody (Oct 31st-Nov 5th)

Rule 48? What???

Joe Thornton Captain of the Sharks got a 2 day suspension and a fine for hitting a St.Louis Blue's player; David Perron in the head. It was quite the nice head shot ,however, I'd like to point out a few things. Perron practically ran into Thornton, he faked an injury...yes he cried like a little girl and acted like he was going to die. Oh but then Perron went and scored a goal later! Oh and the NHL keeps pulling new rules out of it's ass. Hockey is getting boring, and I miss the good ol days...where there was no rule number whatever. Plus we all know the refs are really tough when people break these new rules but after a few months they are soon forgotten OR the refs just get lazy and pretend they saw nothing! I mean come on! Thornton didn't actually reach out and clock the guy he merely did a center ice check...which caused much over dramatic faking of a head injury. I couldn't even fathom what would have happened if he had done this to Crosby...maybe a 2 month suspension? Not for hitting Crosby in the head though...more for making Sid The Kid whine and cry...we don't want to put up with that. There should actually be a new rule put in place specifically for Sid the Kid. Actually scratch that, pretend I never wrote that.




1.5 million fine damn those must be expensive songs!
         Get this. A single mother of 4 downloads 24 songs and gets hit with a 1.5 million dollar fine. And they are serious about it! They can't keep murderers in jail but they can certainly screw over someone for illegally downloading music. Which I must add would have cost $24 to download off iTunes. But the record companies want money because they are greedy bastards...like $1 a song isn't good enough? You have to harass a freaking single mother? Who does that? heaven forbid if Octomom gets caught downloading illegal songs we'd have to put up with more BS tabloid coverage on her. The lesson here is this: Don't be a pirate...but if you are don't get caught. Download millions of songs to make it worthwhile for them to fine you and if you don't like getting fined install some high power magnets in your doorway so that when your hard drive is ceased it gets screwed over...every pirate should know that little trick! Downloading is really really wrong...go murder someone instead you'll get a lesser fine for it.

Stay away from Fat people

A new study suggests that "Obese people cause a ripple effect among non-obese peers. The more non-obese peers an obese person has the greater the chance that these non-obese peers will become obese as well." Essentially if your fat and you chill with alot of Skinny people they may pick up on your habits and become fat like you. Isn't that just grand? Who the hell came up with this BS study? Why is it important? Why do people even give a rats ass? And what happens if a skinny person hangs out with all fat people? Do the Fat people lose weight? So it's okay for a skinny person to have many fat friends but not cool for a fat person to have skinny friends...I'm confused. This is an American study so it probably only applies to the USA. Not canada obviously. I mean it's clear that it doesn't apply to Canada as I have a great test subject. My master hangs out with a bunch of overweight friends (Mainly the gaming group) and they a) have not lost weight and b) she hasn't gained any. And everyone sits on their asses (Including her) for hours rolling Dice and talking while eating alot of crap. So I think this study is stupid. http://ca.news.yahoo.com/s/yahoocanada/101105/canada/overweight_friends_fueling_obesity_epidemic_in_u_s incase you don't believe me I posted the link to the article.

Guy Fawkes day!

 Guy Fawkes plotted to blow up the British Parliament in 1605...and to celebrate people have bon fires. Especially Canadians. A Bon fire in November is great! I didn't even know who the hell Guy Fawkes was until today...but I wish I had known this because any excuse to make a fire is a good excuse. So have a bon fire and remember the 5th of November! I have a Twilight book to go burn. Not in a bon fire because it's too wet outside to have one...we're just fortunate enough to have a fireplace to burn stuff in. Happy Guy Fawkes day!

KKK

Oh yes, go to the Legion dressed as a KKK member complete with the confederate flag while having your friend in tow...face painted black and all. I actually know these people...we're not far from Campbellford Ontario. They won first place for their creation and the Legion got shut down for an investigation. The guy who dressed up as the KKK member is very sorry for his actions. He's also a former Toronto Police officer. Now here's why this is wrong: 1. A guy who knows better dressed up as a KKK member for halloween 2. The Legion let them in! 3. Not only did the Legion let them in they gave them a prize for best costume!
   The excuse being used is poor judgment...but I believe since it's the legion Alcohol was likely a factor. And now I have to hear this story every 5 minutes because we live in a small town 10 minutes from where this took place and everyone knows the guy and small towns just love to gossip. Scandalicious!

And this concludes this weeks Doody!