This week's Doody (Jan 2nd-7th)

             Yes I know I'm late writing this...but it's not like many people even read my blog anyway so guess what? I don't care. This is for my amusement anyways and I enjoy chatting with myself and the cat rather enjoys my thoughts as well. But whatever...here's Last weeks Doody.

ARMAGEDDON!

Talk of...Yes I know the above picture is the Capital wasteland for all you Fall out 3 nerds...okay talk of mass animal deaths, floods, earthquakes, wars, The Toronto Maple Leafs getting 9 goals in a single game and the ever so creeping up year of 2012  have sparked people to yell out "End Of times." 5000 birds randomly dropped dead in Arkansas then 500 more in Louisiana then fish, more fish and more birds were plastered over last weeks news. And now nobody cares because no new deaths have occured. There is speculations on how the birds died and my theory is rednecks. Blame the rednecks. Why? They were firing off "Fireworks" and by fireworks I mean shotguns. Birds can't see a damn thing at night so they bumped into stuff. The Birds in Louisiana were in a bird cult and ate arsenic laced worms in hopes of meeting a spaceship in their deaths to take them away from this crappy hell hole. As for fish they die all the time. The crabs that died in the UK go through mass deaths every 2-5 years or so. The Leafs getting 9 goals in a game...well that might be a sign of end times OR the other team was simply drunk or something. If end times are near then good news everyone! We won't have to file our dreaded taxes so it's time to celebrate.

Vanity...what?

Um...I'm taken aback by this cover that I will be subjegated to seeing every trip to the grocery store. Good thing I won't get out much this month. Let me start off by saying I am deeply disturbed. There is kiss marks all over him and I think he's being grabbed by a zombie and he may have jizzed in  his pants by the expression on his face. Now underage teeny boppers can experience Vanity fair and pedophiles will finally have reason to purchase a copy of the magazine usually aimed at the older crowd. Well not this month. These zines will fly off shelves so millions of girls can worship the kid who clearly jizzed his pants. Whatever happened to girls gawking over jocks? What happened to the days freshman girls crushed on the senior with the biker jacket and motor cycle? Where did those times go? Jocks everywhere are suffering because freshman gals are now following the gay skinny kid with the Bieber hair doo around because they think he's eye candy. It's just not normal! And this magazine cover still disturbs me ALOT! All you freshman teeny boppers need to wake up and chase some jocks...you're chances of actually dating one are slim but alot less slim than dating Bieber. Besides the lucky girl or boy who dates Bieber will probably get assasinated by some psycho obsessed fan(s). Bieber you may have the hearts of millions of girls but you also have a curse...good luck getting into a nice normal relationship, it aint happening.

All in the name of BEER

Beer Vats. 45 meters long, 7 meters high. There are 6 of them and they need to make a journey from Hamilton Ontario to Toronto Ontario's Molson Brewery. The journey began and it will take about 4 days. Traffic will be disrupted, Powerlines will have to be taken down in many places. Accurate turns must be made. Some poles will have to be taken down as well. All in the name of Beer. The vats began the journey in Germany and are needed at Canada's famous Molson Brewery. The planning is massive. Canadians pride in their beer so there likely won't be too many complaints. I won't be surprised to hear of spectators standing in awe by the beer vat route, salivating and worshipping those vats. It's as if the Pope has arrived in town...beer lovers from near and far will come to welcome these 6 lovely new beer vats that will be making their beer soon. Hats off.

Lauren Conrad No longer a blonde.
      This headline popped up and I began laughing at the irony...okay, okay I know it means she dyed her hair brown. But Come on...Read the headline! I am not a fan of this Lauren chick...I have witnessed a whole half hour of the Hills and wanted to die. The girl is ALWAYS crying, her voice is annoying, her friends are annoying, the show is annoying. Audrina is even a "Blonde". hair color means nothing. Some people have Blonde moments and others are just full out Blondes like LC. In my oppinion she needs to shock the world and go goth.


Taylor to make another break up song
Taylor broke up with her boyfriend Jake Gyllenhaal. No surprise there. But the world was in shock...even if they all saw it comming. Who will Taylor date next? Who knows. Who cares? Depends on what or who she dates? Maybe she will; shock the world by going Goth? We will have to wait and find out.

Russia Kicks Canadian ass
Team Russia won at world Juniors, Canadian boys went home satisfied with Silver, Russia gets kicked off flight home for being too drunk, Canadians get over the loss after 2 days and the world goes on. It doesn't matter if we win or lose we all have to return to our daily grind the next day. Canadians need stuff to complain about anyway so I assure you many people vented by the water cooler.

Real Life Super Heroes
Every town needs guys like these. A group of guys like these walking around with weapons and video recorders.

http://ca.news.yahoo.com/blogs/dailybrew/real-life-superhero-stops-car-robbery-seattle-20110107-111314-082.html

Seattle has it's own suited up super heroes who walk around stopping crimes. Watch the link above, it's Epic. I would like to see more of these guys in other cities. Cops are one thing but seeing superheroes is waaaay cooler. It's interesting...maybe drug dealers and bank robbers will dress as villians making the news much more interesting. "And in todays news Pheonix Jones stops the Bieburgalar from robbing yet another 13 year old girl of her heart."

That's it folks. Hope you enjoyed last weeks Doody.

Things that Irk me.

Beliebers taking over twitter...or just Beliebers in general: I put up with constant Bieber trends now, in a few years the next generation of teeny boppers will have some other guy to drool over. I still don't see why kids like this Bieber kid. Then again some people wonder how girls were able to obsess over BackStreet Boys or N*Sync or whatever silly boy bands were out there. But the fact is teen girls search for something to love, and they all have to love the same thing just to be like everybody else. If Suzy hates Bieber she may get shunned by her friends so Suzy starts to be Bieber obsessed just like her friends...and that's my theory on how millions of Lemming like girls came to obsess over this 16 year old sensation with a horrible haircut. Bieber in general does not annoy me because I can choose what music yto listen to. Girls worshipping this kid on the other hand get VERY annoying. So annoying that I take back all my Twilight comments. Hearing girls go gaga for Twilight was bad enough...I should have bitten my tongue because hearing girls screa, for Bieber is even worse and these girls are EVERYWHERE.


Team Follow Back: You know, those people who do nothing but tweet "Follow @dumbass he follows back...follow me folow me I'll follow back!" As if it's freaking important that they get followers. Sadly there are tonnes of idiots who do the follow back crap. Why? I have no idea. Isn't twitter for following people who are interesting? If you are going to follow someone don't do it to get more followers. Who cares how many followers you have! What matters is that you have followers who actually like your tweets! I'd take 10 people who find me interesting over 100 people who are just following me to get me to follow them so my Twitter feed can be littered with Follow Back BS. It's annoying, and you idiots who do it need a life.

Spam: need I say more? Spam on facebook or twitter is just plain annoying. NO I do not need to lose weight or enlarge my penis. I'm Female I don't even have a penis and if I did I could just purchase a brand new plastic one. I'm plastic it makes sense.

Lame Vampires: I do not like Twilight or Vampire Diaries or House of Night or any other lamo vampire. Vampires are known to seduce people but only because they want to eat them not because they want a relationship. It's common Vampire knowledge. It says so In the Monster manual where my stats are. Vampires are Chaotic Evil and they don't give a rats ass about having a conscience because being bad ass is more fun. Whatever happened to the kick ass vampires from the 90's?
There's only one good vampire I admire and thats Spike from Buffy...but he had a chip implant so the bastard had an excuse not to eat people. He was also a better actor than the other romantic vamps and he was funny as hell.

Spelling Errors: Okay yes sometimes people accidentally make an error because they are in such a hurry that they miss a key or two, but those who are just plain horrible spellers really annoy me. Those who do it on purpose piss me off more. The only reason to shorten words is if you have a good tweet and all the words won't fit unless you shorten one or two words. But shortening words out od laziness is just plain retarded. STOP SPELLING STUFF WRONG >< GAH! I also hate slang.

PETA:  Steak is yummy. So is Bacon. And Fried Chicken, and salmon and...you know what? Tofu tastes like shit okay? How people even eat that crap I'll never understand. I eat Meat only...sometimes cheese and chcolate but mainly meat. I am a carnivore. Humans on the other hand have teeth specifically for meat and plant. Also has anyone ever noticed that PETA only defends cute animals? I bet those hypocrites kill mosquitos and spiders! Don't see too many members cuddling eels and squids in photos do we? PETA has accomplised nothing with their protests. Green Peace on the other hand deserve credit as an organization because they are stupid enough to get shot at as they chase ships and stuff. So Until PETA starts risking their lives for the cute cuddly animals nobody will care. Also Meat is yummy. It's full of essential nutrients.


MTV: All the shows on MTV SUCK! The Hills was just horrible. I was subjected to a whole half hour of the Hills and I wanted to end my life. Jersey shore also kills braincells. There's countless other dumb shows on that channel that likely kill braincells. Boys, if your Girlfriends are sucked into MTV end it...it'll be good for them. Trust me!


The Cold: I do not like cold weather, it makes me weak. Says so in the Monster Manual. It's winter and I am pissed.

Rap Music: It sucks!


High Level Adventuring parties trying to slay me: It means I actually have to get off my ass and do something. I hate it when they arrive when I'm in the middle of a nice snooze. Or worse, this one time I was half way through taking Hoard inventory and I lost count because a group showed up and interrupted me. Don't people know it's very rude to interrupt???

The Weather Network: They're never accurate.

Theres so much more that annoys me...and I think I wrote a similar blog a few months back, but I don't care It's important that people know what irks me. Because I eat people who piss me off...or at least I used to before I became a 1 foot tall plastic dragon. The fact that I'm made of plastic also irks me. It would be nice to not rely on master to carry me around. sigh*

It's a trend: Post those unappealing pics! POST THEM!!!

             The Media has decided to make a big deal over Russel Brand posting unappealing photos of his wife Katy Perry. So? In the photo she is not wearing makeup and looks to have just woken up. Russel then proceeds to post the photos on Twitter which pisses Katy off so he removes them...but the damage is done because the media now has possession of a photo. Here it is:

It's not a bad photo. Infact it's not as bad as this one:

 The above pic is 100 times more disturbing than the picture Russel posted. I actually want to vomit. I mean 1. She's kissing that Bieber kid on the cheek 2. He's like what? 16? 3. Okay mainly she's kissing Bieber and he looks like he just Jizzed in his pants. Eww.

I Suppose Katy could get revenge by posting bad photos of Russel but honestly most of his photos are pretty unappealing so she'd have to post a shower pic or something and that just wouldn't be good.

So I hereby have decided to join this posting trend by posting unappealing photos of the one who owns me. She's not famous though so it's not as effective but I'm merely trying to make a point here. The following photos are of my Master. She has no make up on, her hair is a mess and in some she may have ugly expressions. Enjoy:

     Theres plenty more, amazingly on facebook too. Guess she Just doesn't care about getting tagged in those horrible photos friends have taken over the years. But see it's no big deal, there really isn't a point in getting mad at horrid photos, infact horrible photos are quite funny. Will we see more celebrity photos as the year goes on? More than likely. Will people even care? Maybe for 5 seconds or so. So by tomorrow everyone will probably forget that Russel ever posted those photos of Katy. Me on the other hand...I'm praying she doesn't take revenge because the last thing I want to see when I go check up on the news is a picture of Russel Brand's butt cleavage or something...*Shudder*

Part 4 of 4: Epic Christmas songs.

 

Merry Christmas Miiiiiiinnnnnnniiiiioooons! I did not forget to finish my Epic Christmas tunes series. Luckily for me my master had an appendix false alarm yesterday so I have today to bring to you 5 more songs to get you in the spirit for tomorrow. I would have blogged earlier this week but the lovely master who types my blog out for me was sick all week. She's much better now after a 5 hour hospital stay (Only to find out Doctors have no clue what's exactly wrong with her intestines) so we bring to you 5 more funny songs. Enjoy Minions.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5cfp6LK1v04&feature=fvst Jingle Smells Because farts are funny...if you don't think farts are nature's humor you stink.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2kJ8kE5Kf3g  Walking around in Women's Underwear

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VJOe3CXE-mA Red Neck 12 Days of Christmas: Jeff Foxworthy

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wB8co0P4Glo&feature=related Damn it I'm Vixen 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wofsgfQ2VSc&feature=related O Holy Night: Eric Cartman
Bonus Song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=48DgA5xS914 Mr Hanky the Christmas poo

There I did it. Hope everybody enjoyed. Have a safe and fun Holiday season. Don't drink and Drive or because I'll find you...nothing irks me more than stupid Drunk Drivers. Stay Insane Minions! 
 



 

Part 3 of 4: Epic Christmas songs

              8 more days until Christmas! here's 5 more Epic Christmas songs. The theme is the 5 awesome sounding Christmas songs. I was considering finding 5 versions of "Carol of The bells" because that is by far the coolest sounding carol ever and you can do so much with that song but I refrained...Everyone knows the Home Alone version is the best.
             Here they are! Top 5 kick ass songs of the Holidays:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4vNcGlM8O3I Carol of the Bells-Trans Siberian Orchestra

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-A_oEaJZPwU Rudolf The Red Nose Reindeer Metal style.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D5DsDiT2XAM&playnext=1&list=PL846B2ED588A30993&index=5 Metal Version of "Mr. Grinch" Come on! Everyone loves the Grinch song!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aARf8Zi0yGw Heat Miser-Thousand foot Krutch

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zlg5KuFSGGc&NR=1 Jingle Bell Rock- Thousand Foot Krutch Damn this band is good.They made a pretty sweet Christmas rock album. I like this song!

 Have a Dragony Christmas season everyone. One more blog in this series, I shall find more funny songs.

This week's Doody (Dec 12th-16th)

Delivering The mail "Invisible Style."

   
A Mail carrier in Whitefish Bay Winnsconsin decided he wanted to cheer up a woman on one of his rounds by delivering the mail in the nude. That is by far the poorest excuse I have ever heard. How stupid does one have to be to think that showing up at a woman's office in the nude will cheer her up? Oh wait, my bad Americans do crazy stuff like this all the time so It's not all that uncommon. The good news is that the postal worker did realize it wasn't a very bright idea. He was arrested a few days later...WAIT HOLDUP! It took them a few days to charge the guy? I have nothing further to say on this topic! Although I think as punishment they should send him to Canada (preferably Edmonton or Calgary) to deliver mail in the nude.



You Sue, I Sue we all Sue for retarded reasons!

Guess who's getting Sued yet again? That's right! McPuke! The reason this time is even more ridiculous than that guy who is suing because McPuke made him obesse. Oh no this is even better. A group in California is suing the company because it lures children to make unhealthy choices through it's Happy Meals. Kids just want the toy so they beg and beg their parents to take them to McDonalds to get happy meals. This is a) hard on parents and b) bad because kids are at an age where they are vulnerable to marketing. I offer these lazy ass parents a solution: STOP LETTING YOUR KIDS RUN ALL OVER YOU AND PUT YOUR FOOT DOWN! If you do not want your kid eating a happy meal then just say NO! Or better yet, they just want the stupid toy and most McPuke restaurants sell them without the meal. The problem isn't marketing it's bad parenting. Kids beg and beg until parents get sick of the whining so they give in. Guess what? Everytime you give in to a child's desires they will continue to beg and beg for random crap just because they Know it annoys the hell out of you and you will give in. Next time your kid annoys you start putting your foot down, take their stuiff away if they don't shut up and maybe next time they'll THINK before whining in the back seat of the car.

Most annoying word Revealed
  ..........Whatever.......

It's The end of the world! Build some bombs!

           A man in (Yes the USA) pleaded guilty to making bombs because he had watched the movie 2012 and feared for his family. Thus he built some bombs to protect his family when the government failed and food raiding comenced. He's from Kentucky so this explains ALOT. I personally would have used the zombie appocalypse as an excuse to build explosives so I must say this guy is a dumb ass. Also people in Kentucky should be banned from watching all fictional movies and be subjected to only Documentaries, The Hills, American Idol and Glee.

Top Ten Lists:
Thought I'd remind everyone that over the next few days we will all be bombarded with many Top ten lists. Why? It's nearing the end of the year. There will be double the lists this year as it's 2010 and we have just completed another Decade. If I find any worthwhile lists I'll blog them for everyone.

This week's Doody (December 5th-10th)

That's awesome:

           Some guy in Oregon USA decided to legally change his name to "Captain Awesome." Why? Because it's obviously a really Awesome name AND he was named after his father thus there was complications when it came to mail. Captain  Awesome's Grandmother does not like the fact that he legally changed his name. His Dad doesn't seem to mind (I'm certain he'll be just happy to stop getting his son's porn mags in the mail). When interviewed about if his girlfriend will change her last name to "Awesome" if they married the little douche said "We ain't that serious haha" Ten Points Captain Awesome that's the way to talk about your lady.

Public Service announcement: YOU ARE GOING TO HELL!

 Westboro Baptist Church members are at it again. This time they will be picketing Elizabeth Edward's Funeral with signs that read "Thank God for Breast Cancer." These are the same lunatics that protest funerals of soldiers and pretty much...well...everything. God hates alot of things doesn't he? I wonder which diety they serve? Heck even my Diety (Tiamat) the Dragon Queen isn't even as bad as what ever the heck they serve. Last time I checked (Most) Christians were peaceful, loving, non hating, giving, compassionate, very friendly folk. But there always has to be a few groups who ruin it for the rest. FYI most churches are NOTHING like Westboro, these lunatics are likely going to get a slapping from God and they should change their name to "Westboro Lunatic Cult". But I must say, they have colourful eye catching signs. Oh and if God hates Jews he must hate Jesus because Jesus was not Christian Jesus was born Jewish. Stupid uneducated Cult!

Monster Storm
         The weather network has creatively come up with a fierce nick name of a storm that is due to hit Southern Ontario on Sunday. Woopie! First Snowmageddon then Weather Bombs...where do they come up with these stupid names? Until they call a storm something like "Chuck Norris Proportions" I'm not getting worried. After all it's just another Colorado Low hitting up Ontario. Suck it up Canada! It's winter and that means SNOW!

And the Votes are in!
       Drum roll please. The top 5 celebrities most search for 2010 are: 5idiots I can not stand.
At Number 5 we have Sarah Palin. I am sick of hearing that broad's name!
At Number 4 we have Sid the Kid. But at least he accomplished something.
At number 3 we have Justin Bieber. I have nothing further to say about this.
At number 2 we have Tiger Woods. A Lion wouldn't cheat but a Tiger wood!
At Number 1 we have Lady Gaga...really? Nobody saw that coming! I mean meat dress, saying that vaginas have super powers...I'm one of the many who truly belive She/he/it is from outter space.

The "Highest" Christmas Tree

 German police say an "old hippy" is facing possible prosecution for his version of the, ahem, highest Christmas tree — a festively decorated two-meter- (two-yard-) tall marijuana plant.
      They of course broke this guy's heart by ceasing the Christmas tree. It makes me wonder. Was he high when they took it and did he think maybe the Grinch was tealing his Christmas? The guy quite literally put lights on a cannibis plant in his appartment! He planned to put present under it! I bet he planned on smoking his tree on Christmas day! And the Grinchy cops ruined his festivities. I don't agree with smoking weed but I mean come on! The guy is old, he's probably not selling his weed let the old hippy have his merry Christmas. I kind of feel sorry for the guy...I'm also envious that his tree beats my tree above the toilet in the bathroom.


So there you have it folks. There was actually lots of good material to blog about this week proving once and for all the world is still going down the toilet like a little peice of doody. Have a great Holiday season everyone and remember kids, don't get caught with a 6 foot tall Cannibis Christmas tree.
            -Anadralius-